Rockford Area Hospitals Approved For Video Poker Machines

03 May, 2014

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Rockford, IL –  The City of Rockford’s Monday night coffee and complaints council’s weekly meeting approved the addition of video poker machines to all local hospitals.  The plan aims to help the city and county cut back its debts.  If all goes as mathematically planned by Rockford alderman and economists, Rockford should qualify for its own Homestead Act by 2032.

Representatives from St. Anthony, Rockford Memorial and Swedish American hospitals are looking forward to the plan.  All agreed it will be a universal success for Rockford to feel better about itself.

“Whatever helps Rockford helps our patients and their families feel better,” said Laurie Tchaicko, Rockford Memorial marketing specialist.

“People need more than TV and magazines for those long waits between surgeries of loved ones.  This will help Rockford and its people feel better while helping the local economy pay its debts back to the state. Or vice versa, whatever,” said Ray Grahm, marketing specialist for Swedish American hospital.

A contact at St. Anthony’s couldn’t be reached by today’s deadline but the operator said, “No sh*T?  Hell, my work lunch breaks just got a whole lot better.  Thank you, Rockford!”

Video game machines will be added to all local hospitals by the summer of 2014.  Plans to add machines to Immediate Care centers and Family Practice offices are being voted on in the Fall of 2014 by Rockford’s City Council.

You will learn more when we know less.™

– Jay Vannigan