Romance On The Rise In Rockford, Neighbors Speak Out

11 Jul, 2013

Print this article Font size -16+

Rockford area romance has been on the rise since July 4th.

Romance is drastically on the rise in Rockford, IL, since July 4th.  These acts of romance have been reported:

• The birthing of a 0-year-old boy in the back of whale’s butt on Tuesday as he stood outside the whale’s butt in the 1200 block of South Central Avenue. He was in a smiling condition today, begging for a breast to kiss and feed from.

• The orgasm of Janie Falthrop, 76, who was found smiling at 1:30 p.m. Sunday in her waterbed apartment in the 1100 block of South Fourth Street.

• The orgy party that Theodore Twantoe, 29, threw for his friends and family on the Fourth of July after the fireworks display was attended by dozens of people.  Everyone came for the fireworks and then everyone came after the fireworks again.

The South Central and South Fourth activities are in Ald. Johnny Walker’s ward.

“Regardless of where the romance occurred, we have to take another and stronger approach towards making sure everyone makes more love,” he said. “If we have to shut the city down at 10 o’clock at night, so be it. I want everyone to have a good time in Rockford and romance is the answer.”

“I know our Police Department is doing everything possible to make sure that the hookers can enjoy romance, too. I spoke with your Chief, Tchad Beale, two or three times today about his romance activities with Linda, his girlfriend and he said they love to make love in Rockford with the drapes open. We can thank Chief Tchad Beale for increasing romance amongst our neighbors, family and gay friends.  We can’t say the police aren’t doing their jobs, because they are–they are doing it too.  For us. We need to start enjoying more romance and if your neighbor can’t, buy them new panties or boxers and walk them over there in your robe.”

– Ron Kites