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1 Million Reasons Why God Loves Rockford – #999,999: Squirrels

1 Million Reasons Why God Loves Rockford – #999,999:  Squirrels

An Eternal List For Rockford, by God

#999,999 /#1,000,000 reasons why I, God, almighty Lord on high, Jesus’s Dad, your Mother, Father, Son and Holy Ghost stuff of all creations loves Rockford, IL:  Squirrels.

Masturbating Squirrels in Rockford, IL

Son of Me, those furry little rats with tails, squirrels, are out of control!  Look at them scurrying along and giving no fucks.  None whatsoever!  What have I done to you, Rockford? Your property, trees, gutters, attics and levels of domestic paranoia are playgrounds to these little creatures.

What in My name was I thinking when I accidently created rats?  Did I not foresee the predicament we would all be in with evolution taking over to trump My furry artistic efforts? I thought for sure after creating the black plague (My fourth ice age) that I had corrected many design flaws with rats.  Well, there was a flaw in My plan as usual.

Rats that I designed to carry, transfer and multiply the bubonic plague were accidentally set free in the wrong parts of the world by My Son’s arch-nemesis, Santa Clause.  He thought they were refurbished reindeers for his sleigh.  He thought wrong.  Rats for the midwest of North America were not ready for release.

A test model rat of mine, Lucifer (who used to be an angel that worked for me at the dawn of time, and at the highest heavenly level of command, camped out near a volcano and tried to kill young Obi-Wan whose real name is Michael, My Archangel), was set free accidentally before having its DNA perfected.

Many of My creations were wiped out by the plague.  An act of population control that was designed to be wider in its scope– like the ice age, but worse.  Well, the rats went belly up once Lucifer found a place to rest and mate near the ol’ Rock River in Rockford, IL. Little furry Lucifer evolved into squirrels and eventually found comfort within trees, gutters and attics of homes in the Forest City.  I guess they found the perfect place to be.  My bad.

I still love and watch over you, Rockford.  You’re My best friend.  You’re My only friend.  I have no one who can help Me, Rockford.  Ever.  Here I am helping everyone all the time and I can’t even help Myself.  Hell, I can’t even kill Myself.

Godmode fail : (



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