1,000 Voters Sum Up Mayor’s Race

20 Feb, 2013

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Lindsey Tarkington, with baby, Chad, The single Rockford area banker, age 29, wasn’t allowed to take our survey below because she didn’t meet weight requirements. : ( We did ask her if she knew when the Mayor’s election was and all she kept doing was smiling at us and saying weird things like, “Look at my baby Chad! Isn’t he so cute? Look at him, don’t you want to eat him?” No, we don’t. We hate babies unless they’re our own. We couldn’t include her answer but a 1,000 other locals met the goal.

Rockford, IL – The 2013 mayoral election is on April 9th in case you didn’t know.  We took an online survey last week asking the community if they knew when the election was, who was running, and why they weren’t running for mayor themselves. We asked 1000 local citizens, verifying they lived in the city of Rockford of course, who were of legal age, gender, race, and weight to vote. No one under 200 lbs was allowed to vote.  Here are our results.

When is the City of Rockford’s election for mayor?

40% said the mayor’s election was “Last November, right?”.
12% said the mayor’s election was “Whenever the Olympics were on TV last”.
21% said “Who cares?!”.
2% said “Where Cinnabon be located yo?”.
25% said the correct answer, “April 9th”; strangely, they were all single men without children & jobs.

Do you know who is running in the City of Rockford’s election for mayor?

40% said “That one guy from Cheap Trick”.
12% said “All those facebook people who run Our City Our Story, right?”
21% said “Who cares?!”.
2% said “Where day put those port-o-lets yo?”.
25% laughed at us and said, “Johnny Marr”; strangely, they were all single men without children & jobs.

Why aren’t you running for mayor in the City of Rockford?

40% said “I can’t afford to lose my job, house, food stamps, health insurance and unemployment!”; strangely, they were all single women with ft jobs.
12% said “Will I still be able to play video games and drink with my church friends?”
21% said “What?!” and walked away angry at the pure audacity of a question that forced them to think big.
2% said “That cinnabon be running right through me, where day bath rooms at?!”
25% opened their wallets, showed us how empty they were, and said they’d run for mayor if the community could finance all their election campaign marketing work as a donation to the campaign to make a run.  We said, “Donations? Like Jesse Jackson Jr. and everyone else in Illinois?  Like that?  You mean “free”, right?”; strangely they were all single men without children & jobs who walked away from us laughing like they had better places to be, and rightfully so.

 

Out of the 1000 local citizens who took our survey:

500 were full-time employed single women with one or more children aged 21-30 receiving state aid (food stamps and health insurance).

250 were single men with more than one child aged 21-with a few part-time jobs and a full-time job but no state aid.

250 were single or married men with college degrees and no jobs and no state aid or children aged 21-75. 

We’d like to thank Cherryvale Mall, Colonial Village Church, Target, Wal-Mart, Babies R’ Us, Olive Garden, Red Lobster, and Buffalo Wild Wings for allowing us to conduct our survey.

– Tchad Beale