Boone County Board Members: “Stop Crying”

12 Sep, 2012

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BELVIDERE — Boone County Board members will not change the county’s open-burning ordinance, despite hundreds of black Sharpie marker autographs from residents arguing that the haze is posing a health concern to their lungs.

Neighbors have petitioned the Health and Human Services Committee for months, hoping for a change. They complained that smoke from illegal fires will continue to creep across town and whined that it would make it unbearable to be outside.

Jovial law enforcement told plump officials that changing the permitted burning times and materials could confuse the younger residents with illiteracy issues. Additionally, officers hadn’t received many calls from people who saw illegal burning, and told the complainers to “suck it up and stop crying like babies – you’re outside anyways. Enjoy the fresh air!”

Resident Adrienne Gonsolales believes a stricter ordinance will ensure that residents’ health won’t be in danger. She suggested that people burn leaves only on Wednesdays and Saturdays in May, and Thursdays and Sundays in October, Mondays and Thursdays in August, and anytime from December to January. Under this system, people will never figure out the correct time to burn, so the air will be cleaner.

You are encouraged to call your mom and dad or your local priest if you see a potentially illegal fire. Callers must include where the offense is, as well as their names, social security number, weight, height, favorite snack food and telephone number.