Breaking News

Loose Lips, Tight Pants, Keeps Rockford Man Looking For Love in 2015

Loose Lips, Tight Pants, Keeps Rockford Man Looking For Love in 2015

Rockford, IL – Brad Hinnasborgcorona-Morrissey, single 28 year old Rockford man, is happy as he approaches 2015.

I’ve got loose lips, tight pants, a killer mustache thing and a Polish-Swedish-Irish-Italian heart to love y’all Rockford ladies needing a baby’s daddy in 2015,” said Hinnasborgcorona-Morrissey to rkfdnews this morning.

hipster_rockfordWe asked Brad what his plans for 2015 were besides loving up some Rockford ladies, and this is what he said:

I want to hire a few local artists, have them create my American Dream business, not pay them, force them to hate me, but I have no worries–people in Rockford are so stupid and proud that they don’t care about who actually does the work vs. who takes credit for it– and then, with the momentum of our City’s leaders, I want to fool the public and the local media into giving me and my new business all of the press to help build my American Dream into Rockford success so that I can raise my family with a lovely, fertile Rockford lady!  I love Rockford! Go 2015!  I want to be your baby’s daddy!”

Ok, Brad! Well then.  We will f*ck ourselves off as soon as we learn more to know less about f*cking Brad!

– Ronnie Kites

 



Related Articles

Mission Accomplished: Symbol Relocated Back Downtown

Rockford, IL –  The large, red (or orange), metal dildo on the bike pack, Symbol, has returned to its adopted

Famous Bank Robber Stimulates Forest City With Endowment

ROCK-O-FORD, IL – The FCDBI (Forest City Dream Bureau Investigators) and local RKFDP (Rockford Dream Police) are searching for a

No comments

Write a comment
No Comments Yet! You can be first to comment this post!

Write a Comment

Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below:

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.