Chick Filet to Open New Location Downtown

Chick Filet to Open New Location Downtown

krypto-chickRockford, IL – “Before we even opened our door, we received such overwhelming support with fans camping out in well below zero temperatures proving people in Rockford can’t get enough fried food.

It’s hard to ignore Rockford’s need for chain restaurants that offer fattier foods and cheaper prices and help remove the communities need for independent thoughts and outlets for expressions of passion. It is for this reason we decided the greatest location for a second store will go into what is currently known as Kryptonite in downtown Rockford,” the Kryptonite owner announced on TV last night.

Chick Filet will take over Kryptonite beginning in Febuary. Regional operations director Bob Schallanagan said “Kryptonite offers the greatest potential to display our brand in an area offering so much potential of corporate dominance. These small venues that can only offer original programing geared towards the arts and culture cannot compare to the offerings of our chain power with cheap food prices and cold drinks guaranteed to move Rockford up the fat chain from number 4 to number 3 or dare say even number 2.”

We called owner Chris Wachowiak for additional thoughts on selling out to Chick Filet he had this to say:

“I cannot ignore Rockford’s demand for chain businesses. We’ve been barely getting by for almost 13 years and never seen the level of demand for love and support that Chick Filet has. Plus, when city officials told me they were willing to offer free parking to anyone with a Chick Filet receipt the message was received loud and clear. Rockford community and Rockford politics will bend over backwards to support corporate chains and business.”

There were talks of doing a unique branding strategy with Chick Filet and this corporate takeover of small business to show they have a local touch. There was talk of a name alter for this second location with names tossed around of “Chick-Tonite”, and “Krypto-Chick” but ultimately decided against because of the fear of offering an original product unique to any one area.

As far as what will happen to an outlet for local musicians, and touring artist along with the budding visual artist they will have to find another venue in town to frequent. Thankfully, they have their favorite spaces still intact like Facebook and Twitter which allows them to be social but not actually involved in anything besides taking #selfies and telling people how awesome they are will allow them to continue to contribute to this world on their couches eating chick filet and moving Rockford closer to dare I dream “The fattest city in America.”

– Graham Nickles

Tags assigned to this article:
chic fil achick filetkryptokryptoniterockford

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