Deer Commits Suicide, Jumps From Bridge Onto I-90

21 Jan, 2015

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Roscoe, IL – Around 2:00 a.m. Wednesday, January 21, Betty Aguilera was driving home when a terrifying experience befell her. As she approached a bridge on Belvidere Road that passed over Interstate 90, her headlights caught the rather regal figure of a buck. Betty came to a stop before the bridge and waited a moment before she slowly turned her wheels to avoid the creature and slowly, cautiously proceeded.

“I was so nervous,” she said. “He was so beautiful and the last thing I ever wanted was to harm him or have him harm himself.”

Alas, despite her efforts to avoid undue injury to the buck, he jumped off the bridge.

“I was screaming and crying, I couldn’t believe he did it. I called my husband immediately to tell him what had happened.”

That wasn’t the extent of the problem; 52 year-old trucker Jeff Pedigrew was on the receiving end of this catastrophe. He was driving through the night to ensure his delivery of cheese coloring made it to Mullins on time when an almost unimaginable sight caught his gaze.

“Y’know I was already tired and when I was approaching the bridge overpass, but not so tired as to hallucinate and when I saw a deer soaring through the air like a stuffed animal, I was shocked. It looked like the dog that was punted off the bridge in that Anchorman movie, limbs all flailing about and just comin’ at me from above. Before I knew it there was a crashing sound on my cab roof and then on the trailer.”

After he stopped his truck he got out and saw the mess atop his 18-wheeler. Smeared from nearly the front of his truck to the back was what remained of a beautiful buck in his prime.

“I ain’t never seen so much blood at one time. It was decapitated and the head was just kind of staring at me when I peeked on top of my truck, tongue lulling out the side of its mouth.”

Fortunately no people were injured in this horrible accident. Mrs. Aguilera gave her statement to the police as did Mr. Pedigrew. Officer Pyle who first arrived on scene gave little comment.

“Albeit an odd one, this seems to be an open and shut case.”

After cleaning up his truck, Jeff Pedigrew grabbed the buck’s head and threw it in his cab.

“This is a 15-pointer. Huntin’s huntin’ and a rack’s a rack, my friends don’t need to know I didn’t shoot it.”

You will learn more when we know less.™

Farsley Barkle