Breaking News
Bye bye 2021 happy 2022 rockford smells still New Year: Covid Update
People with COVID-19 have had a wide range of symptoms reported – ranging from mild symptoms
...0I Used To Be A Man, Now I Am A Sea Otter
Rockford, IL – Timothy Krill was his own man for 27 years of his life. A
...0City Leaders Ask For More Free Bedtime Geese Stories
Locals are wondering about the geese and why they’ve chosen to take up residency in our
...0Locals Reminisce of Burnt Building That Has Sat Vacant Since 1978
Downtown Rockford’s poor, old, brick Building (which sat predominantly vacant since 1978) has caused locals to
...0Expired Pasta Sauce Melts Furniture Beams at Downtown’s Huge West Side Ristorante
Provolone Ferne Ristorante Cucina Kök’s west side grand opening has been cancelled due to the horrific
...0Rockford Asks, “Why Don’t We Get a Fancy Pipeline?”
The controversial construction of the Dakota Access Pipeline is a call to action for many environmentally
...0
Ice Cream Man Robbed By Flame Throwing Man
Rockford, IL — An iced cream vendor told the RKFDnew.com noose team that he was robbed by a man with a flame thrower at about 5:40 p.m. Tuesday in the area of 12th Avenue and 6th Street. The Flame Thrower Man asked the ice cream man for all of his money (about $16.50) and a triple-scoop of chocolate, daiquiri and mint chocolate chip.
The ice cream man told us, “He melted all my ice cream before I could finish making his triple scoop. All of my Rockford dreams have melted.”
“A large pot hole filled with 18 gallons of flavors serves as evidence,” said the Dream Police’s Sgt. Lorenzo who was on the scene within minutes.
Ice cream man asked the good Sgt. Lorenzo, “Please catch this man, Sgt. Lorenzo. He melted my American Dreams down to the the pavement. 18 gallons and six years gone.”
No arrests have been made.
– Theodore Lepolli
Related Articles
Election 2016: RKFDnews Endorses Gorak, Lord of the Sixth Dimension
Rockford, IL — RKFDnews proudly endorses Gorak, Lord of the sixth dimension, for President of the United States. We believe
Non-Violent Ideas For Citizens of Rockford To Consider After City Aldermen Vote to Forgive Mayor’s Family Business Millions of Dollars in Real Estate Debt and Avoiding Foreclosure thus Proving How Corrupt, Uneducated, Nepotistic and Inept the Ponies Have Become
Rockford, IL – Violent metaphors can’t change the reality that 12 out of 13 aldermen voted in agreement to forgive
Scrambled and Battered
ROCKFORD- at least 14 eggs were scrambled to death and 12 pieces of toast were battered this morning on the
Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below: