Local Factory Uses False Hope to Heat Building

12 Oct, 2012

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ROCKFORD, IL – In an attempt to move its factory into the modern green era, a Rockford cannery successfully began harvesting the broken dreams and aspirations of its workers as an energy source to heat the building. “I played a little football in college, until I fractured my left hand,” said worker Jim Bulgani, “I was going for a general studies degree, but lost my athletics’ scholarship. So here I am.”

So, how does one factory turn a negative into a positive, not only for itself, but for the entire city of Rockford? “The heating bill alone last year was enough to hire 50 more workers,“ said Rachel Potampkin, the plant’s Human Resources Director.

“Thanks to people like Jim, we’ve been able to keep the plant green by capturing Jim and other worker’s unwarranted failures as exhaust fumes, which are then used to heat the entire building.” Not only has the cannery been able to heat their own building, they have amassed a surplus of this natural resource, which one day may be used to operate some of the machinery.

“She got pregnant when we were both 17, and I had to find something to do,” another worker confessed. As he began his story in comprehensive detail, a gust of tropical warmth took over the inspection line, light bulbs became radiant, and a buzz of electrical fog could be felt throughout the cannery.

It would seem that in a place such as Rockford, where false hopes lie around every corner, this untapped natural resource is the future energy source of not only the rust belt, but possibly the whole of America.

– Gilbert Grebner