Loves Park Thinking About Ending Relationship with Machesney Park After Valentine’s Day

12 Feb, 2014

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Linda Hennis, from Loves Park and Tom Korona, from Machesney Park, Consider Ending Their Cross-Town Relationship

LOVES PARK, IL – Multiple sources close to the City of Loves Park are saying that Loves Park is considering ending their longstanding relationship with Machesney Park “unless Machesney really wows them on Valentine’s Day.”

Loves Park supports Tom Korona no matter what their native daughter, Linda Hennis, chooses.

The two cities, situated to the northeast of Rockford and sharing a border, have been in an on-again, off-again relationship since Machesney Park became a village in the early 1980s. “They’ve had some good years together,” a source said, “but Loves has always had an eye out for something better. It’s a little embarrassing when they get a few drinks in them and flirt with Rockford.”

Sources report that Loves Park has been mostly happy in the relationship but that Machesney’s lack of growth concerns Loves Park. “Loves Park said that they really thought Machesney would be a city by now. 30-plus years as a village is something we used to make fun of Roscoe about. Now it’s just kind of sad,” a source close to the pair reported.

Machesney Park has vowed to ban Linda Hennis from entering the village if her relationship to Tom ends.

So far there have been no reports about Machesney Park’s plans for Valentine’s Day, but a possible reason for the Valentine’s Day ultimatum might be Machesney’s forgetting about Valentine’s Day in 2013. Relations were noticeably chilly between the two through March 2013, when Machesney surprised Loves Park with some chocolate-covered pineapple from Edible Arrangements.

The City of Rockford declined to comment officially on the situation, saying it was good friends with both Loves Park and Machesney Park and wished them all the best. Sources close to city hall however say that “[Rockford] would definitely hit that after a sixer of Coors Light.”

You will definitely learn more when we know less.™

– Chuck Toncha