Map of Most Fertile Forest City Crime Region Revealed

Rockford High Crime MapRockford, IL – A map revealing the most fertile crime region in the city of Rockford, IL, was released by RKFDP (Rockford Dream Police) earlier today. The areas on the map highlighted in pink show the highest amount of crime.

Crime rates were calculated using six crimes: Vandalism, domestic assault, residential burglary, yelling real loud at your neighbor, child abuse, animal neglect and lastly–our favorite–battering your spouse in Barry’s cock soup mix before dunking she or he in a bowl of flour before making dinner for each other in bed.

The black dots represent specific incidents and locations in Rockford were fertility amongst the unemployed, drunk, and stoned is especially high.

You will know more when we know less.™

– Gilbert Grebner

 


Related Articles

Top 10 Ways To Rockford Yourself

These are 10 ways to acknowledge that you are Rockfording yourself and might need help sooner than later. Please remember

Cold Weather Sparks Some Stateline Readers Minds

ROCKFORD, IL –  This cold chilly weather has our readers asking some great questions like this one from Gus Ragsdale:

City Market Attendance Doubles As Local Man Falls Off Wagon

Rockford, IL’s City Market is in it’s 3rd year of partying. Every Friday between 3pm and 8pm, people gather in good spirits downtown on the east side of the river to enjoy beer and laughs. It’s been such a success that attendance has been out of control…

No comments

Write a comment
No Comments Yet! You can be first to comment this post!

Write a Comment

Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below:

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.