Map of Most Fertile Forest City Crime Region Revealed

Rockford High Crime MapRockford, IL – A map revealing the most fertile crime region in the city of Rockford, IL, was released by RKFDP (Rockford Dream Police) earlier today. The areas on the map highlighted in pink show the highest amount of crime.

Crime rates were calculated using six crimes: Vandalism, domestic assault, residential burglary, yelling real loud at your neighbor, child abuse, animal neglect and lastly–our favorite–battering your spouse in Barry’s cock soup mix before dunking she or he in a bowl of flour before making dinner for each other in bed.

The black dots represent specific incidents and locations in Rockford were fertility amongst the unemployed, drunk, and stoned is especially high.

You will know more when we know less.™

– Gilbert Grebner

 


Related Articles

Health & Fashion Solutions For Stopping Rockford Crime Spree

Rockford, IL – The promise of a new year brings great hope for the Rockford community.  Transformation, hotels, sports complexes,

Area Lives Improved by Local Organic Geo-Neutral Free Range Heroin

A great new option for the many health conscious heroin addicts in the Rockford area has just hit the streets.

Rockford Area Hospitals Approved For Video Poker Machines

Rockford, IL –  The City of Rockford’s Monday night coffee and complaints council’s weekly meeting approved the addition of video

No comments

Write a comment
No Comments Yet! You can be first to comment this post!

Write a Comment

Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below:

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.