Mayor Gets New Doors

Mayor Gets New Doors
"Canada has the best paint." Barry Morrison

“Canada has the best paint in the world.” Barry Morrison

ROCKFORD, IL – With the wounds still fresh and the election just days behind us here in the Forest City of Hopes, Dreams, Sounds, Visions and Carp, Mayor Morrison decided to spend some of the city’s money on new doors for his office and the new Mining Claims office he has put conveniently next to his.

“It’s the same office, only different” said Morrison.  The doors cost the taxpayers about $13,000 according to the paperwork we received. “We had the letters custom painted by an artist from Ohio and the paint was shipped to us from Canada. They have the best paint in the world,” said Morrison in a Skype conference call from a downtown coffee shop.

“The door handles are also made of pure gold and the columns were hand crafted in Michigan by the internationally famous, blind sculptor, Vincent Harglashio.” Said Morrison.

Mining claims are  now available and are open to any citizen who qualifies as an adult and can swing a pick axe 12 times in a 30 minute period. While most areas in the city are subject to mining claims, some areas, such as national parks and monuments, are not available. To stake a claim to mine on city property, follow the appropriate steps, fill out the right papers and pay the necessary fees to the Mining Claims Office at City Hall. Tell them that my boss, Chief Tchad Beale, sent ya.

You’ll know more when we know less.™

– Jay Vannigan

Tags assigned to this article:
mayor barry morrissonnew doorsrockford

Related Articles

Morrissey: Rockford Officially Transformed

ROCKFORD, IL – With the City Council’s vote to approve a partnership with Gorman & Co. to renovate the Ziock

RKFDNEWS EXCLUSIVE: Michael Kleen, 2013 Mayoral Candidate, Reveals New Book: “Rockford Confidential”

Rockford, IL – Michael Kleen, author and former 2013 city of Rockford mayoral candidate, has contacted our staff with exclusive

City Council Approves Metal Panties® Vote –  Effective Feb. 1st, 2015 for all area Advertising, Marketing and Public Relations Business Owners

Rockford, IL – Rockford’s City Council conducted a rare positive Friday night vote after a rough week of bad press

No comments

Write a comment
No Comments Yet! You can be first to comment this post!

Write a Comment

Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below:

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.