Misery Loves Real Original Vison (or) Excellence Never Looked This Good

22 Mar, 2013

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Mayor Larry Morrissey’s Vison is Real, Original, Excellent, and Free From Misery

Rockford, IL – Mayor Barry Morrisson of Rockford, IL, unleashed his 2013 marketing campaign last week to universal applause.  “Vison.  Leadership. … Results,” proclaims his marketing material.  Our staff rose from our chairs, clapped, hung our heads in defeat and headed towards the remains of our college english degrees with a gallon of gasoline and a match.

Confusion remains; is this brilliant marketing? Or, a marketing typo?  “Who did this? Let’s find the noose and break it, now!”, ordered Chief Tchad Beale, editor of RKFDnews.com, to our team.

RKFDNEWS.com tried to contact Tony Soprano, internationally famous ad firm owner at GramSpanther Inc. who works closely with the city’s Tourism department, for a comment.  Instead, we were told by Alyssa Sojahnowski–Soprano’s assistant and liaison between his firm and the city–that, “Tony has no involvement with the Mayor’s marketing campaign.  He has been busy at work helping sell misery on behalf of the City of Rockford to New York and LA.  We believe Lord Thomas Derby is responsible, but we’re not sure.”

 

RKFDNEWS.com tracked down Lord Thomas Derby, C.E.O. and LORD of ALL at Derby | Reynolds – THE WAL-MART OF ADVERTISING™, for a comment via email.  “Why would anyone think that I, LORD THOMAS DERBY, CEO AND LORD OF ALL, would have time to put the “i” back into “vison” when I barely have enough time available to put the “$” back into YOU$A?™”

 

Dr. Paul, a famous Rockford area school board psychotherapist, told us:   “This is brilliant marketing by Morrisson and his men.  This is the sort of message that connects with the majority of Rockford’s elligible voters.  Recent studies have shown that 9/10 people in Rockford can’t read, write, or spell so this marketing message makes sense to 9/10 locals.   This works in Morrisson’s favor because only 1/10 voters has clear vision.  No pun intended.”

No one has stepped forward to take credit for the brilliant marketing campaign initiative, but considering the region’s ineptitude, obesity, high unemployment, amazing crime sprees, poor roads, complacency, high property taxes, drop out rate, combined with state-wide corruption–we believe this is the sort of marketing message that sells excellence everywhere.  Hail, hail, Rockford, excellence everywhere!

Morrisson (Independent) is running for his third term come April 9th against Michael Kleen (Republican) and Jim Hughes (Democrat).

You will know more when we know less.™

– Theodore Lepolli