Purple Lion Attacks Children

Purple Lion Attacks Children

purple_lions_roar_too__by_patterned_cats-d4u62byRockford, IL – With a fresh pot of coffee in her hand, Krystal Evoloafredrick explained why she likes her cafe being so small. “In a normal place, I’d have to walk around all day,” she says. “Here, I just stand in the middle and I can reach everybody.” She’s exaggerating, but not much. The Koffee Cafe measures about 10 feet wide and maybe twice that deep with a grand total of 18 seats.

When the Mayor  sits down for lunch, he can practically whisper to the next table.

“Try the egg sandwich,” he says. “It’s the best in the world.” Not the best in town.  Not the best in Rockford of Illinois. “The world,” he says.  “The whole world.”

After you enjoy your egg sandwich you can enjoy some Rockford gossip and do what the locals do:  “We have meetings with city people and then go to the bar get real drunk,” said artist/photographer/web designer and freelance writer, Jed Jepperson

“It was then that a purple lion appeared out of thin air and attacked 3 innocent children.” Jed Jepperson told us all a tale crafted in wit and wisdom at The Koffee Cafe:

“There was an incident where a little boy was carried off by a purple lion and dropped into the river. He survived but some people were killed due to staring at the lion for too long.  Some other people were attacked by their own fear while the purple lion laughed.  Other mortals lived to tell the tale after being rushed to the hospital.

One of these incidents stands out in my mind. What a fantastic tale.

There was a knock at our door around 3 am. There was one young guy there completely covered in blood. He had a Slayer shirt on and plaid shorts.  I thought he looked cool. This guy was sweating profusely and I could see that his eyes were in a trance like state.  He must’ve seen the purple lion.

My mom got out her first aid things and cleansed his wounds. It was nice. Really, really, nice.”

– Chet Fairway


  1. Talk about angels, I believe his young man had quite a few with him at the time of his face to face with the lion! What is he doing these days? What kind of shoes did he have on?


  2.  Rodney Clark (Beloit)

    He was still just living in that area as a traditional elder. He’s not really Rockfordian, it’s kind of a transitional group between Byronese and Rochellian, if that matters to anyone. It had an impact on him forever Reply

  3.   Tyger Hamilton (Rockton)

    Great story! You gave the perfect balance between why a lion would attack a human as well as the human side.

    That seldom happens as most people will have sympathy with the human and not realise why the lion acts the way it does.

    Well done for a beautifully told story. But the lion was purple? I don’t get it. And what Slayer shirt was it?


  4.  I cant believe you are still reading this crap. (Jay Vannigan)
  5.   Billy Ray Dearman (Strawberry Valley)

    I wanted to read this one because we have confirmed Mountian Lions around us now and we like music. We have 36000 acres of remote forest behind us and I run and ride my bike in the morning and evening along it(I’ve seen one of them). I was wondering if pepper spray is ever used on your lions like we use it for bear here. Or would maybe hanging some dead fish from the trees work?


  1.  January Frisbee (Rockford)

    What an amazing life you have lived and still live. I’ve traveled a lot but I would love to see some of the cities in Michigan. It was a wonderful story you told and also WELL told. I liked the part about your mom. Very observant….also interesting. I bet a book about your childhood would be fascinating. Thank you for taking the time to share this story. You did an excellent job.


  2. Alphafemaledale

    This story was just what i needed to finish a project im working on. Thanks!


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