Recent Poll Discovers The Rockfordians Despise “The Symbol”

Recent Poll Discovers The Rockfordians Despise “The Symbol”

Symbol often feels lonely and misinterpreted. Many locals think It is “The Symbol,” but It is not. It is Symbol.

Rockford, IL– There were some surprising results in a recent poll conducted by WTVQ 18 about Rockford’s “Symbol.” When asked what “Symbol” meant to them, there were some curious responses, including reinterpretations of Symbol as “The Symbol.”

“You mean The Symbol, right? I thought it was supposed to be a can opener. I wonder what kind of retard artist came up with that,” said Jack Miller, 62. In fact, when asked directly, 83% of Rockfordians would prefer to be punched in the face by a Lithuanian midget than spend 20 seconds looking at the sculpture they refuse to address as “Symbol” without adding the ‘The’ to It.

“Can you believe dat trash cost Illnoy state over $100,000.00?  S__t, I know what I would do wit dat kinda cash… yo yawl best believe what I do and it sho ain’t thiis,” said Sedricksun Jeffjeforsin, 26, stock manager’s assistant at Loglo’s Supermarket.

A standing Symbol of Rockford for over 30 years is now receiving a lot of criticism for being overtly homoerotic as well. “I think… well… I just think it’s disgusting. You can see clear as day that there are legs and a shaft– and, ick, it’s disgusting for me to even think about. I personally find it offensive. Every time we drive by it I cover the grandchildren’s eyes. I tell them not to look or they might have thoughts… thoughts about the same sex. NO way, not in my house.  That’s what happened to their father. He fell in love with that Symbol, now look at him. He’s a Symbol loving man lover with a family form another life– MY LIFE– who has no idea who his children are,” Eloise Jenkins, 72, said.  Her son, Neil, has a different view. “I’m sorry, I like it. Personally, I get a warm fuzzy feeling every time I look at it. My mother says to me all the time that I like It because “Neil, you might love the sea men,” but I think it’s because I just love to dance! Symbol makes me dance, that is for sure!”

Geoff Jenkins, 36, of Belvidere, IL, wasn’t allowed to vote because he’s not from Rockford, but offers, ” I love to take pictures of “The Symbol,” writes letters to it, share photos I took of It. I stop by and talk to The Symbol twice a week when I’m not tending bar at the Verdie Club.”

A disturbing cultural trend it seems has risen in the Rock River Valley. Many positive community leaders feel that “The Symbol” has lost some of it’s mid-80’s luster.  Paul Dilliard says, “The Symbol is so negative. It used to be so positive.  Look at It.  Have you?  It’s so sad. What a poor reflection on the community.  We are trying to raise spirits, enjoy the Cheap Trick music, and bring new people to the Forest City. How can we do that when The Symbol sits there all the time looking so sad?”

We asked for some suggestions for replacing “Symbol,” and received answers ranging from:  “A 3D cat with claws and his kitty d__k on fire,” to, “a metal summer sausage– just a big ol’ plump metallic summer sausage,” and a favorite suggestion of our RKFD staff was,”Bret Michaels.”

Email us with your suggestions for replacing Symbol with a “New The Symbol for The Rockfordians” at:  [email protected]

– Max Bordell

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