Rochellian Man Goes Craysee In Dixon

26 Mar, 2013

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Dixon, IL – A Rochellian man has been arrested for allegedly waving a sharpened deer skull at law enforcers who were investigating a report about unruly conduct at a relative’s trailer in Dixon, Illinois, yesterday.

The sheriff’s department spokesman, Monsignor Big Jim Creekwater, says that 22-year-old Thershon Collinvheiner refused to come out of the trailer when the deputies arrived.  He was yelling at them, “Stab me!” and “Chase me with out your shirts!”, while wielding the unusual weapon.  Collinvheiner chased police officers around the yard wearing  a teal half shirt, pink thong, black cowboy boots, and a clip-on monkey tail in his long hair.

Creekwater says the deputies were called to the  Hot Boots ranch on which the trailer sits  by someone who reported that a man was breaking stuff and throwing bicycles.

“The call came in that a man with beautiful dark hair was going ‘craysee’.  Our phone operators had to tweet and facebook our fans to find out what ‘craysee’ meant.  Once we understood how serious the situation could be, we sent a few officers over to Hot Boots.  They immediately noticed that Mr. Collinvheiner had beautiful long dark hair and 14 helium balloons.  He was talking funny and laughing,” added Monsignor Creekwater.

Collinweiner was arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon, brandishing a weapon, vandalism, inhaling helium, speaking in tongues, possession of bath salts and monkey porn. He remains jailed on a $50,000 bail in Dixon, IL.

Creekwater says the man’s relatives reported he might have been under the influence of drugs and was seen wearing pink thong underwear all week around his hometown of Rochelle, IL.  “How Mr. Collinvheiner got his git-up to Dixon is still unknown,” said Monsignor Big Jim to Chief Tchad Beale, editor of RKFDNEWS.com.

You’ll know more when we know less.™

– Jay Vannigan