Lady Arrested For Poisoning Family With Homemade Lasagna

Lady Arrested For Poisoning Family With Homemade Lasagna
The Family Bred during happier days, the 80s.

The Family Bred during happier days, the 80s.

Rockford, IL –  Ginger Bred, 51 year old mother of three and once-proud wife of her husband John Bred, was arrested for poisoning her family with homemade lasagna this week.  Mrs. Bred is currently being institutionalized in Joliet, IL because the city of Rockford suffered the state’s cuts towards mental health in 2012, closing many of it’s facilities.

Mr. Bred is also pressing charges against his wife and has filed for divorce claiming, “Years of mental abuse.  I used to have a good job to provide for her and the kids but all I have is my own hope, positive attitude, and the love of my precious seeds now.”

Apparently he has many witnesses in the neighborhood to vouch for him. The couple had been having communication problems for years according to a few once-rich-but-now-very poor and white neighbors. Leonard Chawnsberg and his wife Linda told us, “Ginger and Johnny used to be so happy in the 80s.  What a nice family!  That all seemed to changed when Johnny lost his job at Ingersoll in 1998.  The whole street has heard Ginger call him a loser for at least 15 years now.”

Why poison the children?

“Good question,” said Mrs. Chawnsberg, “I think Ginger realized after years of being rich, orange and proud in Rockford that she was going to die poor, white and unhappy.  I can understand her motives.”

What possible motives could this unhappy c*nt have towards her family?

“One day this summer, we heard her yelling at Johnny and the kids louder than ever”, said Mr. Chawnsberg.

About what?!

“Something ’bout Peak Pool and swimming and missing her orange mommy friends and hanging out at the pool and not being able to afford to go to the Rockford Country Club either to hang out and not being able to afford a cup of coffee and a T-shirt at Heart Land with her orange mommy friends.”


Mr. and Mrs. Chawnsberg aren’t surprised about the poisonous lasagna she cooked up to kill her family with.  Linda told, “Ginger hated her family.  Life isn’t what she dreamed it’d be in the 80s and she was never a good cook. Lasagna?  She’s not italian, come on.  Johnny used to make jokes like ‘I think Ginger is trying to kill me and the kids with her cooking.”

The Chawnsberg know more than we ever could about Mr. and Mrs. John and Ginger Bred.

Our sympathies to Johnny and the kids.  Your life in Rockford is on the ups now, or not.  We don’t know– just smile!

– Chief Tchad Beale


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