School Lockdown Started By Vegan Student

14 Sep, 2012

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ROCKFORD — A small 4th or 5th grade vegan student , thought to be armed with a rubberband and a stack of paperclips, led police on a brief foot chase Thursday  afternoon and triggered a soft lockdown of a local grade school.

“About 1:45 p.m., a school officer got into a foot chase with a student who reportedly had a rubberband between his fingers and his hand was in a Spocklike V with a pile of what appeared to be paperclips bent and ready” said Police. “They ran north,then south then really fast west. A perimeter was set up, and the suspect was taken into custody near a local park .”He was fast for a 4th grader.”said the arresting officers.

After an extensive search of the park grounds, a weapon was not found, Police said.

The student, is believed to be 9 or 10 years old, and very hungry because he is a vegan.  Hamburgers and chicken sandwiches are  all that’s offered to juveniles.

It is unknown why the student ran and what, if any, charges the student faces. One thing is for certain, he won’t be eating well.

As a precaution, the school was placed on a soft lockdown from 2 to 2:15 p.m., said School District Psychic advisor, The Great Paul. A soft lockdown occurs when the school is locked  and students are rushed into special closets and forced into a sitting position and no one is allowed to enter or talk until The Great Paul appears.