Rockford Register Star’s Mommy & Daddy Company Files For Bankruptcy

04 Oct, 2013

Print this article Font size -16+

Rockford, IL –  We here at RKFDnews.com have been waiting a few weeks for this noose to break.  We want to send hugs and good wishes (positive, keep smiling, Rockford styled, bending over wishes) to our compadres at the Rockford Register Star’s news tower.  From the bottom floor of the RRStar to the abandoned bell tower floors where the city’s most corrupt professionals used to rent offices to the third and fourth floors where their parent company, Gatehouse Media, fills the rooms with iMacs, slave designers and team morale posters.

Yes, we can’t.™

Let’s talk about Gatehouse, your mommy and daddy company– they who low-ball and hire minion $9-12/hr desperate high school, junior college, and underpaid college designers that are slaving away India-style on those nice iMacs, laying out newspapers for print production and online publishing for other cities and markets, we salute you. Go fuck yourself, Gatehouse– from RKFDnews.com.  You can’t even afford a decent, qualified writer without pillaging under-qualified high school educated bloggers– we won’t go there today.

To RRStar’s Employees:  Break the noose before it breaks you.   Fire your mommy and daddy, Gatehouse, before they fire you.  Your careers are on the plank.  Wouldn’t you rather be the plank, deciding when to break on them?

We are hiring.  You will love working for free in Rockford like many of us have for years already.  Learn with the best, us, Rockford style.  We can train you or remind you of why you became a writer to begin with.  We will supply you with all of the vitriolic ingredients your writing has lacked since you left school.

Guaranteed, you could break the noose yourselves, or you will hang in there until the chair is pulled out from under you. U$A!  $mile!

– Chief Tchad Beale (Your future boss.)