War Rages On: Local Broccoli Inventors Suffer Positivity Attack
John and Rinny Roderick pose next to their inventive four season hydroponic broccoli tree during happier, logical moments. The Rodericks lost a battle to the Positivity Squad this past weekend while the War in Rockford rages on towards eternal insanity caused by the Positivity Teams’s momentum.
Rockford, IL – War Rages On in Rockford, IL. The battle for Auto-Zone’s parking lot on North Main Street was the scene of defeat for the Logic Squadron this past weekend. John and his wife, Rinny Roderick – local Logic Squadron members – were selling four-season hydroponic broccoli to locals driving by when Positivity Military members stormed through and parked their cars in protest, blocking potential sales that would allow them to survive the winter.
John took a moment away from his crying wife to talk to us.
“Why? I’ll tell you. They warned us last time that if we didn’t move our mobile broccoli store downtown we would suffer. And now we will freeze throughout February because they have ruined our day. Look at Rinny, those are tears of struggle – we can’t pay rent and our horses will freeze to death. We were selling tons of broccoli before they arrived to take over the parking lot and double park their SUVS and soccer mom wagons on N. Main Street, forcing us to abandon our post. We feel abandoned by our Logic Team members as well. Where were they when we needed them? Rinny and me have to decide if we want to leave Rockford because there’s no support for hard working people like us. We think we can make it to Tennessee on our horses for a new life. Rockford’s Positivity’s Army is killing us and our horses with kindness and poor judgement. Why can’t they see how awful life is here for the working class?”
We asked Positivity’s Military, Commander Geraldine Fibbers, the reasons behind their team’s attack.
“We warned them the last time they stepped away from trying to sell goods downtown. Part of Positivity’s War against Logic in Rockford is to bring people back downtown to spend money. To make Rockford’s downtown the economic center it once was in the 1890s through 1960s. This war includes all the battles for post positions that stray away from downtown. John and Rinny knew what they were up against by trying to make money from the Auto-Zone parking lot on North Main Street. Positivity’s momentum will lead them back downtown to sell their special four season broccoli where they belong with all of our other retailers; or they can leave Rockford as they have suggested. We can not be defeated by Logic and this was a huge battle won for control of the northwest side of Rockford. You have two choices: Get downtown or get out of town.”
Another battle lost for the Logic Team while Positivity celebrates over pitchers of beer and bags of weed. The war rages on.
Related Articles
Russian Sleeper Agent Accidentally Activated at CNVR Poetry Night
Rockford, IL – CNVR doesn’t seem like the kind of venue you would find a deep-cover KGB operative. This small
Frank Lloyd Wright’s ‘Laurent’ House Collapses During Museum Opening
Rockford, IL – Misery surely loves the f**k out of Rockford’s company. The entire roof of Frank Lloyd Wright’s historic Laurent
TEDx Event Will Inspire Locals To Continue Telling Stories To Each Other
Rockford, IL -TEDx – the popular online community site that inspires professional people (and lazy web surfers needing to get their day going if coffee doesn’t) to think with other peoples ideas – is coming to town! The TEDxRockford’s PR statement says, “the goal of TEDxRockford is to tell stories around the model’s four main themes: 21st Century Brainpower, Innovation and Entrepreneurship, Quality Connected Places, and Branding with New Narratives.” We thought locals were trying to do that for decades, but now we know that TED is listening to us!
Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below: