Rock River Certified Gluten Free

Rock River Certified Gluten Free

ROCKFORD, IL – Bill Andrews had a vision for the Rock River. While most didn’t see the big deal, Andrews wanted a healthier, more comfortable Rockford.

“We’re hearing all the time on Dr. Oz and The Doctors how gluten *might be* bad for you,” said Andrews. “I used to love bread. Everyone at the Olive Garden knew me as ‘Breadstick Bill.’ I loved it. But then the doctors told me that my weird [bowel movements] might be because of celiac.”

Andrews had been diagnosed as gluten intolerant in a recent visit to his doctor. He has since eliminated gluten from his diet. “My life has completely changed. My [bowel movements] are [timely]. Now my server Theresa calls me ‘Breadless Bill the Buzzkill.'”

“I feel like a new person,” says Andrews.

Friend enjoy a gluten-free Rock River, Rockford, IL

Friends enjoy a gluten-free Rock River in Rockford, IL!

In late summer 2013, Andrews discovered that the Rock River was not gluten-free during a water skiing outing with some friends. Andrews, a self-described “perfect” water skier, misjudged a log and fell headlong into the river, swallowing his first gulp of the Mississippi River tributary’s water.

“I was sick for days. I figured it had to be full of river gluten,” surmised Andrews. “I applied for a government grant and we got a $60 million loan with the City.”

Crews worked through the fall months to try to get as much progress done on the gluten-filtering facility before the winter months came. After two-month delay, crews put the finishing touches on the North Park Gluten Conservation Facility earlier this month. Water engineers say the river will be 99% gluten-free south of the Riverside Boulevard bridge starting in March.

City Hall has announced a .75% sales tax increase to cover the cost of interest on the project’s loan.  Board approval is expected in early March.

– Chuck Toncha


Tags assigned to this article:
gluten menusrock riverrockford

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1 comment

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  1. Roger Mashburn 21 February, 2014, 14:49

    I feel as though my time would have been better spent doing [bowel movements] than reading this piece of [bowel movement].

    Funny this [bowel movement] up!

    Go with God,

    Roger

    Reply this comment

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