78% of Rockford's registered voters won tonight by choosing to do as they always do instead.  Get drunk and pass out.

78% of Rockford’s registered voters won tonight by choosing to do as they always do instead. Get drunk and pass out.

Rockford, IL – The 2013 election results are in.

Poverty won by a landslide once again.  78% of Rockford’s registered voters stayed home to eat, sleep, watch TV, or headed to a bar to get high in the parking lot before getting drunk once again.

Let’s hand it to an estimated 22% of the city’s s registered voters that showed up to exercise their rights to hire a new mayor.

People who don’t care to vote won big tonight. Poverty and all of it’s attributes–apathy, stupidity, complacency, obesity, crime, unemployment, illiteracy–are the Rockford winners once again.

Mayor Moreforme or Mayor Moreofthesame, however you spell it, is the projected winner of the Rockford Poverty Bowl.

Here are our three predictions for the next four years: 1) 78% of you will continue to suck as human beings or local citizens, 2) #1 or #2 most miserable American city according to Forbes is inevitable, order the T-shirts now and hire Rick Nielsen for another commercial,and 3) The current mayor should prepare a defense as soon as possible for the state’s investigation that is coming regarding missing funds (we call those your money around here) coincidently related to TIF property investments he pawns off on his family’s business and bankrupt developers.

Maybe while the state is at it, they’ll do as the young, Republican, candidate, Michael Kleen or Democrat candidate, Jim Hughes, promised:  A full audit on city government, including every arts and economic development organization feeding off the city’s nipples (yours), where the money is exactly going inside of RPS205, and maybe some explanations as to why the Mayor belittles the police and fire departments.

Missing money always leaves a trail. Wait, watch, and expect more of the same from Mayor Moreforme while you remain poor, obese, illiterate, crime-ridden, MISERABLE, and opportunity-less.

Good night, Rockford, and don’t forget to lock your doors while you continue to enjoy sleeping where you shit, and drinking where you piss-on yourselves. It’s what 78% of you do so well of.  The worst is coming.

Chief Tchad Beale
Editor, RkfdNews.com

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1 comment

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  1. formercrackfordian 10 April, 2013, 11:22

    As a former naive of that craphole known as Rockford, this really saddens me. It’s obvious that the people don’t care about their own city and would rather live in the worst city in my book…. Let them. I got out because I knew when that douche liar of a mayor got relected the first time he’d run the city into three grown. There is so much potential in that city. But it seems that everyone IS content to live poor and useless lives. Great job crackford, way to show the world what you’re made of.

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