5 Ways To Be Successful in Rockford, IL To Help Rockford Become An American Kingdom Once Again

25 Feb, 2014

Print this article Font size -16+

Remember to share this important list on social media networks with these hashtags #hivrockford and #transformrockford. It will help Rockford become an American Kingdom once again.

Rockford, IL – One of America’s leading civic pride gurus, Bart Starsling, gave a speech at the most recent Transgress Rockford vison session held in another fake church somewhere on the East Side of Rockford.  The economic analyst used his emotional knowledge to share 5 important details on how Rockford and its community can get back to being the proud powerhouse of an American Kingdom it was between 1948-1968 before the year 2048.

5 Ways To Be Successful in Rockford, IL, to Help Rockford Become An American Kingdom Again– By Bart Starsling

1. Start a Kickstarter Campaign, or something comparable to a crowd-sourcing, fundraising effort, that is aimed at taking strangers money in exchange for providing them civic hope, vision, pride and artwork you can’t produce unless your campaign budget is fulfilled.  Movies, books, music, posters, stickers–anything will do, don’t worry.  Talent, good intents, and passion are not necessary. Set your budgets much higher than what you need to cover all campaign fees, third party reward expenses, new hardware, tools, supplies and all-inclusive paid vacations to Europe.  Crowd-sourcing can help you be a successful artist on paper if you tell the community, in this case, Rockford’s, that everything you do, you do it for them.   If you don’t budget correctly, your artwork will not meet all of the promised goals you campaign for, and you could jeopardize the public’s trust and respect that you will most likely lose in return from those amongst your peers who don’t eat their own dicks in exchange for the public’s charming, gross approval.

2. Tell more stories on the internet.  Stories that profess the love you have in your hearts and your pants for your city.  Do not share facts about the city of Rockford when you share stories because we must rebuild our characters from within to reach Americans everywhere. Remember, we must ignore facts altogether.  The community will believe anything as long as the stories you create and share are adaptable.  Please make sure that the stories you create for the internet are up to par with anything you’d see on a high definition screen hanging behind the Christian rock band in any Rockford church that is not of a Baptist, Lutheran or Catholic denomination. If you can do that, you will take over the city’s souls before stealing their hearts and eventually their wallets with your lovely stories.

3. Lobby local politicians, civic directors, charitable organizations that are city and state funded, and buddy up to as many business men that you can including the mayor.  Attend all the board meetings you can to present your stories.  Talk  and listen.  Repeat.  Talk and listen more.  You will meet powerful people with tax-payer pennies to drink coffee with outside of board meetings.  They will hear your stories and you will listen to them.  Try and use your friends as much as you can to do your dirty work without telling them. Hook them up and hand them off as you wish to those you meet with power in your efforts to make Rockford into your ultimate success story.  The community and soon, America, is in your grasps. Your now on the verge of your own success for Rockford!

4. Remember how we began this lesson?  Your dream project that the community payed for, that many of your friends without money or jobs contributed to, has no idea they’re going to pay for it again in indirect, politically fueled ways–and this is wonderful for Rockford because you’re sharing stories with your American Dream that will reestablish it as an American Kingdom! All of your hard work will cost you peers but don’t worry, they’re poor and unemployed still.  All of the lobbying you’ve now accomplished on behalf of boosting the marketing efforts of Rockford’s health in the nation’s eyes are rewarding you with paid contract projects from local Arts and Economic organizations with tax-payer ties to city and state government!  You will insure that the weakest of your peers gets a taste of the state and federal economic grants to continue the work you started in step 1. Congrats, the community is now yours and the kingdom could be next!

5. You are a star, a local success for Rockford, IL, to share with the world.  Forbes is notified of our upswing. Handle all of your paid arrangements like a politician would–hand them off so that you can eventually run for mayor after you buy a boat or relocate for awhile.  Find slaves, buy a new macintosh, arrange meetings, pay your friends to do your dirty work, host seminars, be a guest speaker for your kingdom and without any fear now, you will run for mayor.  The kingdom that Rockford dared to become again with your new age marketing efforts is complete.  And that is how you will transgress Rockford, IL into an American Kingdom with 5 of my steps and all of your stories!

Starsling–an Austin, TX, native who calls it his hotbed for  success–concluded to the sold out congregation of transgressive listening talkers, “Rockford’s infrastructure is no different than that of hornless goat without its utters.  You have the milk, or so I’d like to think all goats have milk, but it’s trapped inside of you. And your utters? Dear Lord.  They’ve been turned and twisted inwards by your farmers!  I don’t know why.  And your horns?!  Where are your horns at?  Grow some f*cking horns, Rockford. You make me sick.”

Remember to share this important article and list by Bart Starsling on social media networks with these hashtags:

#hivrockford
#transformrockford

Doing such will help Rockford become a proud American Kingdom on the internet, too.

You will learn more when we know less.™

– Frederick Jacobson