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6/25: Cause of Downtown Rockford Fire Revealed
Michael, a Magic Fire Dragon, is being blamed as the root cause of the horrific events that occurred on June 25th, 2017 in downtown Rockford, IL. Michael is a descendent of Gorak, Lord of the 6th Dimension, who has terrorized Rockfordians on behalf of his Lord’s orders for ages. Some believe that Gorak was not in favor of the empty building becoming the west side location for the brand new restaurant, Provolone Ferne Ristorante Cucina Kök. Plans to proceed with the ristorante’s east side downtown location are still on track for a grand summer opening.
An online call to arms has been mandated by Rockford’s City Council with all in favor of finding Michael, a Magic Fire Dragon:
“We must capture Michael— alive, not dead. Once we find Michael the Magic Fire Dragon, we can proceed to negotiate with Gorak for control of Rockford’s future once and for all. This is internet war.”
– Charley Swanson, City of Rockford’s Tourism Director of Social Media Marketing, 32.
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Community asks, “What’s that smell?” It’s Rockford, and it almost killed us last night.
Rockford, IL – It could have been so much worse. 150,000 citizens were toiling in Rockford last night when it happened.
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