Posts From Max Bordell
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Max Bordell has been seriously thinking about becoming a writer for years. He was born in the backseat of a green Monte Carlo in 1977. Raised by a man with elephantiasis of the nuts in the Concord Commons, Max learned life on the streets. After graduating from Auburn High School Max worked as a pizza delivery driver, an insurance salesman, and also sucked dick for meth on 7th street near the railroad tracks. Now that he's recovered (physically) he's back writing about his favorite subject, Rockford, Illinois. His one wish in life is to be black, so he can date blondes.
Hononegah Wins Game, Loses Land
Rockton, IL – The final whistle of Friday Night’s game sounded the end of a battle between the Harlem Huskies and the Hononegah Indians in a home victory for the Indians by a score of 28 to 18. But there
Read MoreMitt Romney Promises To End Cheetos Epidemic
Rockford, IL – For those who witnessed the second presidential debate last night there were many important topics on their mind. Not only ones that we are dealing with as a nation but also ones that affect us here, in our local community. One such topic is the Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Epidemic of 2012.
Read MoreSpace Jump Into Rock River A Result Of Bears Bye Week
UPDATE: NASA, the popular American space exploration video game program, contacted us via email to congratulate the local man from Rockford, Sam Burngarner, who jumped from space into our beautiful Rock River during the Chicago Bears’ bye week. Larry
Read MoreCheddar Addiction Proves Delicious
Rockford, IL – Chad Muckgrunt, 27, a Wisconsin native, always considered himself a connoisseur of fine cheese in all it’s forms. He admired the texture of mozzarella, the complexity of havarti, and the punch of monterey jack; but, one day
Read MoreElderly Man Loses Hat, Finds Salvation
Rockford, IL – Dudley Newhouse, 91, lost his hat over the weekend at a local Old County Buffet and spent all of Sunday morning looking for it. He returned to the restaurant for dinner tonight at 4:30 p.m. and was
Read MoreRecent Poll Discovers The Rockfordians Despise “The Symbol”
Rockford, IL– There were some surprising results in a recent poll conducted by WTVQ 18 about Rockford’s “Symbol.” When asked what “Symbol” meant to them, there were some curious responses, including reinterpretations of Symbol as “The Symbol.” “You mean The
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