Extremely Drunk Guy Flees McD’s For Wendy’s Chocolate Ice Cream

26 Sep, 2012

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Rockford, IL – Thank you to RockfordScanner.com for the news tip.  To quote them directly from their Facebook page, which 20,000 estimated idiots like ourselves follow (we do it for RKFD research):

Extremely drunk guy attacking people and McDonalds employees and random citizens, near State and Jefferson area. Last seen heading eastbound on State near Burger King and Wendys

The open-ended statement concluded without a period or an exclamation point after “Wendys” because we have the rest of the details. The extremely drunk guy attacking people and the McDonanald’s employees is a friend our staff writer, Lisa Solond.  His name is Chadwick Hernandez.  The ex-all-state high school quarterback from Boyland H.S. went out with Lisa tonight and her friends.  They ate dinner at Social and headed over to McDonald’s for ice cream.

Lisa tells us, “He drank a little too much and became very upset when the McDonanld’s worker told him that they don’t carry chocolate ice cream.He’s a really nice guy when he doesn’t drink but he’s been unemployed for 8 years.  You know how that goes around here.”

Hernandez  lost it and began throwing condiments and swear words at everyone while yelling, “D__n you all. Lisa, your friends are naughty!  I slept with Jenny last week, ha ha, you’re next, all of you, haha, I want chocolate ice cream!  I’m going to Wendy’s. They have chocolate ice cream!”

If anyone sees Chad enjoying a chocolate ice cream cone, please email us at:  [email protected]