Gaming Machines Start Ruining Rockford Families Today

Gaming Machines Start Ruining Rockford Families Today

ROCKFORD, IL  – Illinois’s huge video gaming expansion could start paying off right meow.  The video game machines were put to good use this afternoon. At least 14 people were seen coming out of Harys Bar. Some were screaming at the sky and diving face first into the gravel. People were also seen crying and hugging each other  because of how much money they spent in the 1st hour that the games were put in.

“I spent way more of my wife’s hard earned money this afternoon than I usually do,” said an unemployed roofer and regular at Hary’s, “but my friend, Katie, lost her whole check when she stopped in to get a 6 pack to go– and lost everything. Everything. Can you imagine?  I can’t.”

Illinois officials say the gaming expansion passed three years ago, but technology is so behind in the Rockford region that it delayed the official launch until today.  “Finding qualified individuals who needed the work was another issue.  Everyone seems to have a decent job these days. It took us awhile to assemble and tutor a team properly,” said Neil Chadson, video game director for Illinois.

Officials at Large Hal’s Bar and Germains on Main said their “machines are ready to take money from customers and start ruining families right meow!” The Dirty Canoe in Loves Park said, “Workers are on firing up the machines this afternoon. We’re ready to take even more of our customers’ souls, one quarter at a time.”

There are 23 businesses in Winnebago County that have licenses, but that doesn’t mean all of them have machines installed and ready to go.  “We feel that if we put too many machines in at once we could break apart too many families, and we are not ready to house all of the newly single mothers,” said Illinois Video Game officials

Check back to RKFD News for more on this and many more exciting things throughout the day.


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3 comments

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  1. Debbie 9 June, 2014, 20:50

    People need to have self control when gambling!!! When I gamble I only take the amount of money I can afford to lose. I you lose your pay check it is no ones fault but your own!!!

    Reply this comment
  2. Billiam Koswell 10 October, 2012, 03:07

    I won just enough to pay my bar tab, of 3 Sprites. See, I’m an alcoholic, so I can’t drink adult beverages, but I still enjoy the atmosphere and companionship of the local pubs . They say I have somewhat of an addictive personality. Good thing I’m not addicted to gambling. It feels great to go home a winner, and believe me, that ain’t easy to do in this town. But I have every intention of going right back tomorrow and playing until I’m homeless.

    Reply this comment
    • RKFD NEWS 10 October, 2012, 03:31

      You covered your debts! We think you’re a winner, don’t go home when you don’t feel like a winner. Take a ride, visit Wisconsin, that’s what we do to feel better about going home eventually.

      Reply this comment

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