Local Criminals Giving Thanks For Free XBox Machine

Rockford, IL – Local criminals have gathered by the dozens throughout the Northern IL state-line. They are giving thanks today to all home-owners, businesses, and pedestrians that have helped them achieve and obtain everything they could’ve ever needed to be thankful for. It’s been a very successful year of crime for local entrepreneurs that’s included; robberies, home invasions,nice winter coats from Dick’s Sporting Goods, as well as plenty of pizzas.
“I juz wanna give thanks to my boys, Chad and Steve, for helping me loot a few homes in my mommy and daddys’ neighborhoods. Without them we wouldn’t be enjoying this fine a__ Xbox machine and that kick-a__ gas grill I gots goin’ on today,” said Nicholas Wilson, local home invader.
RKFDP (Rockford Dream Police) SWAT officers aren’t so thankful, however.
“Thanksgiving or not, we have a job to do too… right after this third plate of turkey and breaded zucchini,” said Officer Abigail Smith.
If you are very thankful for our criminals’ success, please contact us with all of your thankful thoughts; and, drive safe.
Related Articles
Boone County Board Members: “Stop Crying”
Boone County Board members will not change the county’s open-burning ordinance, despite hundreds of signatures from residents arguing that the haze is posing a health concern….
Loose Lips, Tight Pants, Keeps Rockford Man Looking For Love in 2015
Rockford, IL – Brad Hinnasborgcorona-Morrissey, single 28 year old Rockford man, is happy as he approaches 2015. “I’ve got loose
Woman hits Chicken in 1986 or 87
I found this on Craigslist and changed a few things it was funny to me … ROCKFORD—- I have been
No comments
Write a commentWrite a Comment
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below: