Local Criminals Giving Thanks For Free XBox Machine
Nicholas Wilson, Rockford, IL, is thankful for the Xbox his friends helped him steal.
Rockford, IL – Local criminals have gathered by the dozens throughout the Northern IL state-line. They are giving thanks today to all home-owners, businesses, and pedestrians that have helped them achieve and obtain everything they could’ve ever needed to be thankful for. It’s been a very successful year of crime for local entrepreneurs that’s included; robberies, home invasions,nice winter coats from Dick’s Sporting Goods, as well as plenty of pizzas.
“I juz wanna give thanks to my boys, Chad and Steve, for helping me loot a few homes in my mommy and daddys’ neighborhoods. Without them we wouldn’t be enjoying this fine a__ Xbox machine and that kick-a__ gas grill I gots goin’ on today,” said Nicholas Wilson, local home invader.
RKFDP (Rockford Dream Police) SWAT officers aren’t so thankful, however.
“Thanksgiving or not, we have a job to do too… right after this third plate of turkey and breaded zucchini,” said Officer Abigail Smith.
If you are very thankful for our criminals’ success, please contact us with all of your thankful thoughts; and, drive safe.
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ROCKFORD, OF ILLINOIS, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, OF NORTH AMERICA, OF EARTH, OF EVERYTHING ELSE THAT’S LAUGHING AT
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