Breaking News
Bye bye 2021 happy 2022 rockford smells still New Year: Covid Update
People with COVID-19 have had a wide range of symptoms reported – ranging from mild symptoms
...0I Used To Be A Man, Now I Am A Sea Otter
Rockford, IL – Timothy Krill was his own man for 27 years of his life. A
...0City Leaders Ask For More Free Bedtime Geese Stories
Locals are wondering about the geese and why they’ve chosen to take up residency in our
...0Locals Reminisce of Burnt Building That Has Sat Vacant Since 1978
Downtown Rockford’s poor, old, brick Building (which sat predominantly vacant since 1978) has caused locals to
...0Expired Pasta Sauce Melts Furniture Beams at Downtown’s Huge West Side Ristorante
Provolone Ferne Ristorante Cucina Kök’s west side grand opening has been cancelled due to the horrific
...0Rockford Asks, “Why Don’t We Get a Fancy Pipeline?”
The controversial construction of the Dakota Access Pipeline is a call to action for many environmentally
...0
Rockford Named #5 Best City for Millennials in 2014
Rockford, IL – Thank you to Michael H. of Rockford, IL, for this positive noose story tip. Finally, a list to be proud of: Rockford, IL, has been named as the #5 Best City For Millennials in 2014.
With so much emotional negativity (despite all of the logical facts presented in each best and worst of case) that have been branded down upon Rockford and its community of poor weirdos and proud, corrupt scumbags by publications and government organizations that are responsible for handing out yearly best and worst list awards, it’s nice to be on a best of list sometimes. Right? Right, Rockford? Are you still celebrating misery? What?! Snap out of it, Rockford! #5, come on, that’s great!
Be a millennial, go to the mall or an Ice Hogs game, buy a positive tee shirt, but most importantly: You’re a #5 Millennial! Celebrate yourselves today. We know you will. You proud, fat, fast-food lovin’, Motley Crue listenin’, box church join’, Chilis eatin’ Rockford, Rockton, Roscoe, Machesney Park, Loves Park and Belvidere bastards.
2015 is looking good! Keep up the transformation,
Alonzo Bottums
Related Articles
Rockford Dream Police Hunt For Grape-Flavored Drugs
Around 2 PM today, several officers were en route to the area of Springfield and Safford, near a tree line and a stone structure, for a possible sighting of a pallet of marijuana. Initial scanner traffic said a local resident spotted a suspicious object falling from the sky attached to a white parachute…
Applebees Reports That Teachers Who Do Art Together Get Drunk Together in The Rockford
Rockford, IL – A new study conducted by the Applebees chain headquarters with administrative officials from The Rockford School District
Magic Pussy Lion Terrorizes Rockford Woman Again
ROCKFORD, IL – Weeniebagel County Coroner, Rue Squiducha, said “an autopsy today is expected to determine whether a 75-year-old woman found
Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below: