Breaking News

Rockford Named #5 Best City for Millennials in 2014

Rockford Named #5 Best City for Millennials in 2014

Rockford, IL – Thank you to Michael H. of Rockford, IL, for this positive noose story tip.  Finally, a list to be proud of: Rockford, IL, has been named as the #5 Best City For Millennials in 2014.  

With so much emotional negativity (despite all of the logical facts presented in each best and worst of case) that have been branded down upon Rockford and its community of poor weirdos and proud, corrupt scumbags by publications and government organizations that are responsible for handing out yearly best and worst list awards, it’s nice to be on a best of list sometimes. Right? Right, Rockford?  Are you still celebrating misery?  What?! Snap out of it, Rockford! #5, come on, that’s great!

Be a millennial, go to the mall or an Ice Hogs game, buy a positive tee shirt, but most importantly:  You’re a #5 Millennial! Celebrate yourselves today. We know you will. You proud, fat, fast-food lovin’, Motley Crue listenin’, box church join’, Chilis eatin’ Rockford, Rockton, Roscoe, Machesney Park, Loves Park and Belvidere bastards.

2015 is looking good! Keep up the transformation,

Alonzo Bottums


Tags assigned to this article:
best city for millenialsrockford

Related Articles

Mr. Lothario Makes a Rockford Pizza For Mr. Strumwell

Rockford, IL – James Lothario took the day off to make a Rockford Pizza according to his neighbor, Joseph Dontel

9 Schools and 2 Grocery Stores Closing Replaced by 3 Fast Food Restaurant Dreams

Rockford, IL – The community of Rockford in Illinois has rallied behind terrible (but funny) recent news this month that

FBI Finally Ranks Rockford #1 as Most Dangerous American City — Congrats!

(Image Courtesy of Alexbaumgarner via Wikimedia Commons) Rockford, IL — The FBI’s 2016-2016 Uniform Crime Report was released this week. Rockford,

No comments

Write a comment
No Comments Yet! You can be first to comment this post!

Write a Comment

Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below:

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.