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Applebees Reports That Teachers Who Do Art Together Get Drunk Together in The Rockford
Rockford, IL – A new study conducted by the Applebees chain headquarters with administrative officials from The Rockford School District have concluded that it’s extremely likely that “87% of The Rockford teachers who do art together after-hours eventually get drunk together and then act like immature dipshits together.”
Ron Johnsen, Appelebees’ Teachers Drink For Free On Tuesdays Director tells us, “These results are no different than that of studying most community leaders anywhere in America. Educators enjoying libations after doing the art in The Rockford isn’t a new trend, it’s what follows that trend that worries our sponsors. We’re concerned to say the least.”
“What my After-School Assembly found to be most shocking about the report were the amount of affairs, rumors, domestic altercations and broken friendships that are created AFTER doing and creating the art before the libations,” offered Don Johnsan (not related to Ron), Union Director of The Rockford Art Teachers After School Assembly.
The Rockford teachers that do the art and enjoy libations were unavailable for comments due to summer vacation and extended weekend benders. It is Tuesday, however–find an Applebees today after doing art to enjoy libations with The Rockford teachers.
You will know art when you learn how to be righteous and condescending like The Rockford art teachers are after a few libations at Applebees or a summer city festival.
– Theodore Lepolli
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