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Bachata Man Meets Childless Lady in Rockford
“Hi there. I’m looking for someone who will like to be my partner to learn to dance Bachata. I’m a 35 latin male. Obviously I’m looking for a female partner. Send me an e mail and I’ll send you my number so we can meet and drink tea, do Bachata, make jokes,“ said a man to his future Bachata lover on Rockford’s craigslist.com this week.
A woman replied to Bachata man immediately: “Hi, Desi. I am a single, professional female, 45, with no children in Rockford, IL (I know, me woman with no kids before age 20 in Rockford, weird). Me lookee for some new female friends to go out with in the area so I can meet Bachata man. Anything from going out to a Kevin Costner movie to dinner at Lonestar to grabbing the occasional drink at Chilis. My friends are all miserably married with children and on the verge of killing themselves, so weekends I am by myself a lot praying for them. I’m hoping they don’t kill themselves. My friend Gina’s husband Rob is really sexy. She is not a nice friend to anyone anymore and likes to sleep with young downtown Rockford bartenders while Rob sits at home watching the kids she wanted to have with him. He is so nice. I hope he leaves her instead of killing himself because I would love to ride his face. With Spring here, I would like to get out more now and meet Bachata man or Rob. I am a Christian and conservative-minded, but social and fun. My baby blue lace panties have little pandas and ponies on them today. I wear them every time I go out with my friends hoping to meet Bachata man or Rob. Some of my interests are walking/exercise, nature/parks, pets, sexting Rob, grabbing some hot tea at a local venue and talking, shopping, pouring melted candle wax on my belly, tourism. Any trips to Madison/Chicago, etc… I am always up for it. Let’s see if we, Bachata man, Rob and me can connect!”
You’ll learn more when we know less or whatever. No one gives a shit in this town and we don’t have any f*cks to give. This is what ya git in the era of self-obsession and emotional internet opinions. Where boners try to tell trolls that they’re just trolls while discounting the fact that trolls are the only ones challenging the boners to a boner juice jackoff contest on the world wide web of internets and opinions, comments, useless stuff involving cold, hard truths. What a bunch of Rockford boners!™
– Darby Appleby
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