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Bret Michaels Coming to Rockton Festival on Labor Day Weekend
Bret Michaels and his Poison cover band, along with opening act, Darius Rocker, are coming to Rockton’s inaugural Milf Festival on Labor Day Weekend. Sponsored by RKFDnews, Derby | Reynolds and Yummie Dog.
This is a game changer for Rockton, Illinois, which hopes to become Rockton, Wisconsin, by 2016. RKFDnews’ staff will be hosting a press conference at Fibs’ bar in Rockton, IL, tomorrow (July 7th, 2015) at 5pm to share more details.
Join our Chiefs Tchad Beale and Jay Vannigan along with staff reporters, me (Ron Kites), Chuck Toncha and Lisa Soland as we serve up Yummie Dog Sandwich Bowls® and more information regarding Milf Fest 2015. We will be joined by Schaumburg’s infamous CEO and LORD of all, Thomas Derby, from Derby | Reynolds – THE WAL-MART OF ADVERTISING™. Derby will be joined by his sexy staff: Alyssa ‘Black Hooker Boots’ Sojahnowski, the bad ass monster buck hunting champion and Fortune 500’s I.T. Administrator of the Year, Sean Lippy, as well as Human Resources and Marketing Research Specialist, Jennifer Kowalski. Jeffrey Tethernick from Accounting may make an appearance as well.
Wow, now that’s a mouthful. You fucking amateurs better show up!
Poison’s CC Deville and Bert Michaels Working It Out
That’s right. Every single penny that’s made from selling tickets to members of the Real Housewives of Winnebago and Boone Counties Organization will be used to help Rockton residents leave Illinois and move to Wisconsin. If all goes well, Rockton, IL, hopes to become Rockton, WI, after this year’s 2015 Milf Festival!
Yummie Dog is a fast food chain out of Albuquerque, NM, that specializes in taking fried hot dogs made from chicken legs that somehow tastes like roasted beef mixed in a bread bowl with soup, salad and potatoes.
Transform Rockford, Rock River Times, WREX-TV13’s Local Positive Noose and Rockford Register Star have praised Yummie Dog’s food by calling it “a modern breakthrough in fast food technology that can help spread the Word of Rockford’s vision to help our city’s real, original and excellent strategerie professionals tell the sort of stories that encourages positivity and stuff, but also helps cure decades of economic decay caused by an abundance of emotional job losses and low-calorie fast foods,” or whatever.
Yummie Dog officials are trying to break into the regional fast food craze by helping RKFDnews bring Bert Michaels to Milf Fest 2015. Please help us! Chances are you will never learn more after you know less, but join us on Labor Day weekend in Rockton, IL, for Milf Fest 2015!
– Ronnie Kites
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