Breaking News
Bye bye 2021 happy 2022 rockford smells still New Year: Covid Update
People with COVID-19 have had a wide range of symptoms reported – ranging from mild symptoms
...0I Used To Be A Man, Now I Am A Sea Otter
Rockford, IL – Timothy Krill was his own man for 27 years of his life. A
...0City Leaders Ask For More Free Bedtime Geese Stories
Locals are wondering about the geese and why they’ve chosen to take up residency in our
...0Locals Reminisce of Burnt Building That Has Sat Vacant Since 1978
Downtown Rockford’s poor, old, brick Building (which sat predominantly vacant since 1978) has caused locals to
...0Expired Pasta Sauce Melts Furniture Beams at Downtown’s Huge West Side Ristorante
Provolone Ferne Ristorante Cucina Kök’s west side grand opening has been cancelled due to the horrific
...0Rockford Asks, “Why Don’t We Get a Fancy Pipeline?”
The controversial construction of the Dakota Access Pipeline is a call to action for many environmentally
...0
Local Swedes Not Worried As Trader Joes Says F**k No To Five Points Neighborhood
Rockford, IL – The popular Trader Joe’s grocery store, which is nationally owned by Aldi’s chain, politely said “f**k no, we’re not coming to Rockford.” Community internet organizers (click here) and local Swedish people were reeling from the sad news this past week.
Trader Joe’s Would Be Nice In Rockford, IL, but So Would a Pony Show
“I guess we’ll have to start another online petition to replace this one,” said a neighborhood Swedish man and Trader Joe’s enthusiast, Thorne Salssen.
The chain was being petitioned the idea to move into the old Hilander / Schnucks grocery store, located in the historic five points neighborhood. The neighborhood is known for its Swedish immigrant transplants with old world money hidden in modest homes with high property taxes.
In recent years, the neighborhood has made a financial transition from old world Swedish money to new world Swedish money to help keep Rockford poor everywhere else in town through private real estate transactions and family trust funds.
Christina Fransborger, a single Swedish woman in the five points neighborhood said, “I believe The Rockford can overcome such negativity placed upon our proud neighborhood by Trader Joe’s. One day we’ll have an Aldi’s grocery store in the five points neighborhood that my Swedish brethren can spend our old world money at. The Rockford will have the last word.”
Oh my. You will learn more when we know less.™
– Ron Kites
Related Articles
Top 10 Ways To Rockford Yourself
These are 10 ways to acknowledge that you are Rockfording yourself and might need help sooner than later. Please remember
No Sidewalk Shoveling Enforcement Means Fewer Pedestrians Next Spring
Nov 21, 2014 Rockford, IL — Rockford’s City Council has once again announced that it will not enforce the sidewalk
Rockford, We Are Not The Onion and I Own a Yacht
Hello, it’s me again: Nate, Gene’s brother. I’m writing to you from a yacht off the coast of the Cayman
ζ:-)>