Nintendo’s Mario Beat Up By Video-Game-Racists & Film Crew

08 Oct, 2012

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Rockford, IL – According to the very popular, local, celebrity crime reporters, Rockford Scanner, something ridiculous went down on the corner of Perryville and East State today.  Something too true to be good enough for us to make up.

The heart of the city apparently became the scene of a strange beating in a soon-to-be-released YouTube video. (We think.  We don’t know, we don’t have a clue what criminals in Rockford, IL are thinking these days.)  We’re guessing that these particular video-game racists, who were seen jumping out of an SUV, are planning to release the video they recorded of their friends beating up a man dressed in a Nintendo Mario costume.

The man in the costume is a worker for a near-by video game store who was doing his job at the popular financial district intersection, promoting the video game store for Sunday shoppers in Rockford who actually have money to waste on sh___y, expensive, items like video games.

Witnesses at the intersection told us that the video-game-racists who were seen filming and beating up Mario, the popular Nintendo character, were yelling:

“Where da f__k es Luigi m____r f_____r?!

Binchay Corona Amigo! Where da f__k es la princess, Mario?!”

 

If anyone else in Rockford, IL witnesses video-game-racists jumping out of SUVS to beat up– and film the beating of– people dressed as cartooned video game characters, please don’t waste our time with real, pathetic news. Tell Rockford Scanner first.

However, if anyone knows where Luigi was when all of this nonsense really went down in the crime-infested and hilarious village called Rockford, IL, contact us:  [email protected]