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Pokemon GO Blamed For Rockford’s Webcam Porn Industry Layoffs
Kirk Wood, former Rockford alderman and current local webcam porn star, is feeling the local job loss effects of Pokemon GO.
[Thank you to Josh M. of Rockford, IL, for emailing us this noose-story.]
Rockford, IL — Several of Rockford’s local webcam “porn star” ladies are out of work due to Pokemon GO. Mass layoffs are being reported all over Rockford and on the internet.
The strange gaming app has positively forced local, unemployed professionals, city leaders , and their network of downtown-do nothing-all talk-coffee-drinking elitists with the money douchebags for municipal projects to get up from their warm seats with their smart phones and go for a walk to look for little invisible creatures. On their phone—did we get that right? We don’t really understand Pokemon Go, nor care.
This incredible global phenomenon—Pokemon GO gaming—has had an incredible negative effect on one of the only lucrative, working-class industries left for struggling locals who need GOOD jobs.
One local porn star, Candy Staxxx, said, “I used to average 8-10,000 viewers per day; but now, since the release of Pokemon GO, I haven’t had a single visitor in over 2 weeks. Every single client I used to moan for on a daily basis is playing a video game on their little phones. Like, really. Gah.” Staxxx has applied at Starbucks, Tiger Tails and Portillos, but no job offer has come her way. “I haven’t talked to my co-workers in weeks. Who knows where we fit in. I can’t work at Chick Fil-A because they close on Sundays. Day of rest for who? Not me. I might have to move to Beloit or LA,” concluded Staxxx.
Sad stuff, indeed.
The word on the Rockford streets isn’t good either according to Kirk Wood, former alderman and current male webcam star. “Dudes are sitting, wandering, and trolling around Sinissippi Park playing Pokemon GO instead of sitting at home fapping it out. If Rockford ladies and bros don’t stop playing Pokemon GO and get back to wanking, pretty soon we’ll have roving bands of homeless strippers and webcam stars who were former city leaders like me wandering the streets of Rockford. Like we need more unemployment. Transforming job stuff is tough.”
Well, that’s all Josh had for us. Thank you.
Life goes on.
Learn more to know less.
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