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Rockford on the Upswing: Looking Forward to 2015

Rockford on the Upswing:  Looking Forward to 2015

Air-Jordan-1-IHi, my name is Rockford. I live in Illinois, it’s fun. People pick on me all the time, but I’m on the upswing.  Good things are coming in 2015 and here’s a list of them:

1. Porridge

2. Trains*

3. Grocery Stores

4. Road Cement

5. Portillo’s*  

6. iPad 6 and iPhone 7 or 7c*

7. Air Jordans

8.  Federal Funds for City People and their elitist friends (such as public charity directors, ad firm owners, real estate developers, etc.) to misuse at our poor expense again.

9. Ludacris Concert

10. Barry Manilow Concert

11. Winter Road Salt*

There are more, we’ll add them randomly at odd times that we won’t tell you about.*

*Maybe, hahaha.

– Ron Kites

 


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