It’s Summer 2018 and Transform Rockford Is Still a Thing

Rockford, IL — It’s the Summer of 2018 and Transform Rockford, a local public charity operation that doubles up as a public relations and data collecting marketing firm, is still on pace to transform Rockford into a top 25 American city by 2025.

The grassroots operation—backed by private donors, CEOs, millionaires, state and fed funding—mysteriously launched in November of 2013. It hosted a public gathering and performance by local leaders at the famed Coronado Theater. A cool logo, fake $1000 bills, notepads, pens and free coffee eventually became promotional branding incentives for becoming a legal non-profit LLC operation by the spring of 2014.

Transform Rockford has successfully hosted and presented dozens of community Power Point presentations over the years. They’ve collected personal data from citizens to aggregate into statistical reports, the driving force behind phases of transformation. Reports have been emotionally uplifting.

“I believe in Rockford. I know we can do it,” said Allie Lerneström, age 29, graphic designer. We asked her what “it” means: “I don’t know… but you have to believe in it. We live here. It’s all we have! Have you been downtown?”

RKFDnews reached out for a comment by Transform Rockford on Twitter in 2014, but we were blocked in 2015 from asking them real questions and offering true statements about the region’s emotional and economic conditions.

We’ll have more on this in 2019.

— Nate, brother of Gene

[This is another real story for mediocre, proud people from Rockford, IL. Please share it on the internet and wait for people to cry, “fake news”, when it isn’t. It’s a true story. Please send us screen capture photos of people making false accusations on the internet about this true story to [email protected].]

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