Texas Governor, Rick Perry, Lures Unemployed Aldermen to Resign for Relocation and Job Opportunities

Texas Governor, Rick Perry, Lures Unemployed Aldermen to Resign for Relocation and Job Opportunities
Texas Governor Rick Perry welcomes Rockford aldermen to Texas. Better job opportunities for educated people with less racial profiling awaits Rockfordians in the peaceful, equality-driven, largest state in the south.  America can save Rockford!  Move to Texas!" said Mr. Perry to Rockford at the 30th Anniversary of the On The Waterfront Festival in downtown Rockford this Labor Day Weekend.

Texas Governor Rick Perry welcomes Rockford aldermen to Texas. Better job opportunities for educated people with less racial profiling awaits Rockfordians in the peaceful, equality-driven, largest state in the south.  “America can save Rockford!  Move to Texas!“, said Mr. Perry to downtown Rockford at the 30th Anniversary of the On The Waterfront Festival on its historic Labor Day Weekend.

Rockford, ILJust hours after Rockford’s 6th Ward Alderman, Mervin Halls, turned in his resignation to Mayor Barry Morrison (read about the hilarious truth here), another one of Rockford’s Alderman resigned as well due to not having a full-time job since 2011 to support their families.  Halls’ resignation comes on the heels of winning the election for Rockford’s 6th ward but in order to support his wife and kids he must relocate them for full-time work.  Something he hasn’t been able to find since 2011.  For many unemployed locals of every cultural background and education level it’s been longer. For one popular alderman it’s been twelve f#cking years.

142nd Ward Alderman, Señor Necturo Hueves DelTuro, claimed he has been without a full-time job since 2001 and offered this statement, “I cants sustain hope and progress for Rockford and the community another day without getting drunk on my Modelo and passing out to forget the amount of debts I have acquired thinking it’s going to get better.  Et es not. Got damn train aints a com in and my horses are tired, Amigo.  I am movings to Texas because Rokefard do not have job for my people or Merlvin people.  White man make lies bandejo, no job, no train, horses are tired. Binche corona, Amigo. Ondelay, on delay, ariba.

There’s been rumors for quite some time that most people of any cultural descent or level of education can’t find jobs in Rockford but the admissions by the city’s most popular aldermen struck a nerve with Rockfordians.  We asked a few locals enjoying the labor day festivities at the 30th Anniversary of the Waterfront yesterday how they felt about the Rockford job climate along with racial and educational profiling in the Forest City.

Jeannie Triplestone, 39, Mother and Teacher:  My family and I love Rockford.  We have nice church friends who are black, asian, mexican and white but I do not believe I earned a job because I am a white woman.  My husband Jerry is white and can’t find a job but we are happier than ever.  I take care of my husband and kids because he’s been without work since 2001.  He has his masters in engineering and herbal remedies but discovered a love for wooden duck carving and medicinal herbs while learning how to cook for the kids when he was laid off by Ingersoll.  He has enjoyed success on Etsy in the last year thanks to Rockford and internet.  More people of every culture need to learn how to make their own wooden ducks stuffed with herbal medicines to sell on the internet.  That’s the advice I would have given to Merlvin and DeLaNectaro before relocating for job  opportunities and my advice is never wrong because I am a teacher in the RPS205 district.  Because of my husband’s abilities to adapt to the local job conditions, the income he brings in from his medicinal wooden ducks on Etsy pays for our grocery trips.  We eat steak and real ducks at least once a week. I love Rockford.

 

Mike Mikarus, 36, Father and Video Game Audio Engineer:   Rockford has been very good to me and I am not a white man.  I am very Asian with a mustache. My son Francis makes fun of me all the time but I say to Francis, “No banana for you today!”  My wife doesn’t like that joke.  I didn’t need to go to college or anything dumb like that because my love for rock music, shopping at Best Buy with my lawn-mowing money and video games got me a full time job before any of those white, black, and mexican jackasses who are doing it the hard way in college.  I am Asian and I did NOT have a hard time finding work in Rockford.  Hard work, long nights with my friends jamming, drinking, Call of Duty operations and getting high were the only job requirements I needed to find a full-time job in Rockford.  A long time ago I had a teacher at Boylan who told me after-school, don’t go to college and come back to Rockford. If you love it here, stay here and have fun because you will get a great job before everyone else.  Before all the white people! LOL.  He was right.  I have two boats, three houses including a summer home in Georgia and every room in my house has a TV and all of the current video game systems.  I call it research for work.  I love Rockford and I am not white.  If anyone wants to hook up for a Call of Duties operation online, you can find me on Twitter.  My call name is @MrMeerasake99

 

We have no say with regards to the unemployment situation in Rockford along with racial and educational level profiling because our entire staff is comprised of unemployed white, black, asian, mexican, purple and yellow Peak Fitness loving men and women with college degrees who don’t give a flying f#ck about Rockford, it’s leaders excuses, lies, visions or the community anymore because most of you are high, drunk, and delusional on your own well-fed ego, pride and complacency.  If you have any work–even that of an Alderman–you have more work than most.

Happy 30th Anniversary to the On The Waterfront and congratulations to Alderman Halls and Señor DelTuro for getting the f#ck outta Rockford!

– Chief Tchad Beale

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