Weatherman Warns Rockford Residents of Warmer Weather Crime

Weatherman Warns Rockford Residents of Warmer Weather Crime
Warmer weather means higher crime for Rockford, IL, residents.

Warmer weather means higher crime for Rockford, IL, residents.

Rockford, IL – Local weatherman, Paul Thormstrum, had a few words of advice for residents awaiting the warmth of the sun after a brutal winter.

“With warmer weather in Rockford region comes more crime. Lock your f*cking doors.  It’s as simple as that.”

Thormstrum believes that the cold winter kept criminals at bay for the last five months, but he sees Rockford defending its title as one of America’s most violent and dangerous cities with the anxious arrival of spring and summer upon us.

“I cannot stress how fortunate we were to enjoy negative degree weather.  I left my doors unlocked for weeks and not one person robbed and stabbed me,” said the weatherman.

Thormstrum added, “We must take precaution with the warm western winds blowing in.  Stock up on AK-47s, SPF-50 sun tan lotion, Claritin, Mosquito Repellent, and HD Security camera systems to backup an ADT system.”

You will know less when we learn more.™

– Gilbert Grebner



Related Articles

Man Breaks Leg Running from Pregnant Female with Knife.

Rockford IL.      Rockford . Deputies were called to the 18000 block of Los Palacios Drive around 2:55 p.m. to

Rockford Daylight Hours Goes Into Effect Tonight

Rockford, IL – This is a public service reminder from RKFDnews.com to the residents of Winnebago County to set back their

Rockford – Wendy’s Restaurant Under Fire for “Ginger Discrimination”

Rockford, IL — Edgebrook Center, on the East side of Rockford, is cleaning up the ashes from last week’s Ginger

No comments

Write a comment
No Comments Yet! You can be first to comment this post!

Write a Comment

Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below:

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.