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WREX-TV Executives Arrested For Career Killing Spree

WREX-TV Executives Arrested For Career Killing Spree

Rockford, IL – RKFDP (Rockford Dream Police) officers showed up with a warrant and a few of the county’s animal shelter vans to arrest WREX-TV executives, sales reps, and a few left-over anchors.  The warrant for their arrests had been granted after a third employee–also a popular local news reporter–sought refuge elsewhere to save her career.  That elsewhere?  The state’s attorney’s office.  (It’s only a coincidence, don’t think too hard.)

According to RKFDP’s Sgt. Dennie Gusparrelli:

WREX has been accused of 3 acts of Career Killing… so far.  There may be more.  Career Killing sprees like these are normal in Rockford.  Typically, when there are 3 similar acts performed by an employer in a short amount of time, there may more that has already occurred that we didn’t put the pieces together on yet; or there are quite more being planned in the works. Like I said, this is very normal behavior for a Rockford area business.

Gusparrelli added, “I hate to be a magician detective and all, but they’ll probably be set free in the next few days. By the time it gets to court, they’ll be proven innocent due to trade-labor advertising arrangements they’ll make with everyone down at the county screening jurors for free commercials and news stories.  It’s only your career, ladies and gentlemen. Who cares? It’s Rockford, fuggedaboudit.

And that’s exactly how your career cornbread crumbles in Rockford, IL.

You will learn more when we know less.™ 

– Ron Kites



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8 comments

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  1. D.J.Brown 4 August, 2014, 18:35

    Worst newscasters ever. New weather person is a total disaster, talks so fast , is unintelligible!

    Reply this comment
  2. johnf 2 April, 2014, 22:15

    Since she’s obviously the poster child, make Rebecca boss and create ding-a-ling school. The hell with news, community, quality, professionalism, or relevance. Make 5;30AM your standard all day long. At least those people understand grooming.

    Reply this comment
  3. Anonymous 18 February, 2014, 10:31

    The wisdom of the White House has reached Rockford news media.

    Reply this comment
    • RKFD NEWS GOD 25 February, 2014, 13:27

      You’re right. We have adopted the Bush/Cheney administration’s ethics to lie in broad daylight at our expense and that of ours and other countries lives, start a few wars, and finally, get away with it all.

      Reply this comment
  4. Keith Dashner. 7 February, 2014, 19:28

    So long John Chadwick. Obama will take care of you.After All, You Paid For It.

    Reply this comment
  5. Anonymous 7 February, 2014, 07:03

    Wrex sucks. Worst news channel now. Yes jobs if you cant report and have an in with the big shots. What do you need to get a job at wrex no skills and get engaged to the big jerks.

    Reply this comment
  6. Tommy Gunzz 6 February, 2014, 23:30

    By eliminating these individuals, WREX is actually creating openings or in other words … they are job creators. Stop bringing down job creators!!!

    Reply this comment

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