Posts From Barry The Beautiful
Back to homepageBarry The Beautiful
Number One Position for Making Sweet, Sweet Rockford Love Revealed 0
Rockford, IL – A 2014 study by US News Reports was released today stating that “the number one position for making sweet, sweet, sweet and delicious Rockford area love to your internet friends and family is by lying to them. Filling them with
Read More
Renegade Alderman Dismantles Billboards Overnight To Initiate Rockford Transformation By Eliminating Erect Messages
Rockford, IL– The war on crime, illiteracy and unemployment took a detour last night when city council’s most outspoken leader, Dom Thirmkey, took matters of transforming The Rockford into a thing of the past by dismantling a few billboards. Thirmkey
Read More
“Gunshots or Fireworks?” – Poor & Violent Illinois City Plans For 4th of July Weekend Drinking Games
Rockford, IL – Celebrating freedom comes with a price for the citizens of The Rockford of Illinois. The poor, little, violent village located 70 miles outside of Chicago on the edge of Wisconsin is gearing up for another weekend of
Read More
Applebees Reports That Teachers Who Do Art Together Get Drunk Together in The Rockford
Rockford, IL – A new study conducted by the Applebees chain headquarters with administrative officials from The Rockford School District have concluded that it’s extremely likely that “87% of The Rockford teachers who do art together after-hours eventually get drunk together and
Read More
Ice Cream Man Robbed By Flame Throwing Man
Rockford, IL — An iced cream vendor told the RKFDnew.com noose team that he was robbed by a man with a flame thrower at about 5:40 p.m. Tuesday in the area of 12th Avenue and 6th Street. The Flame Thrower Man asked the ice cream man for all of his
Read More