Breaking News

“Gunshots or Fireworks?” – Poor & Violent Illinois City Plans For 4th of July Weekend Drinking Games

“Gunshots or Fireworks?” – Poor & Violent Illinois City Plans For 4th of July Weekend Drinking Games

cat-dog-freedomRockford, IL – Celebrating freedom comes with a price for the citizens of The Rockford of Illinois.

The poor, little, violent village located 70 miles outside of Chicago on the edge of Wisconsin is gearing up for another weekend of holiday drinking games.  Locals are stocking up with alcoholic beverages and preparing their 6th senses to play games like, “Were those gunshots or fireworks? Go!”

Rockford, IL Fireworks(It’s not that funny.  It’s not what you make of it.  It’s not how postive you think you need to be. It’s not what you put into it that you’ll get out of it. It’s not about mind over matter and pretending that the grass isn’t as green elsewhere and that this is all OK. It’s not OK.  It’s The Rockford and it’s all about you and me leaving as soon as possoble so that those who are OK with it all can enjoy another weekend of holiday drinking games such as “Were those gun shots or fireworks?”.)

It’s not that funny anymore.  We hope all of you take this weekend to plan your  escape from Illinois for good.  Do it  as soon as possible before you’re desensitized to all of the bullshit civic pride, poverty, unemployment, hillbilly elitism, corruption, crime and economic ruin that has buried the people of Illinois in its own complacency and depression.

– Theodore Lepolli

The Rockford
4out of 5
Illinois
4out of 5
Gunshots
4out of 5
Fireworks
4out of 5
Puppies
20out of 5
Pussy Cats
4out of 5
Leaving The Rockford to Discover Healthier Cities and States in the YOU$A
20out of 5
Visitors Vote
0out of 5

2.14

2.14 out of 5
Fair

Tags assigned to this article:
fireworksillinoisjuly 4thportillosrockford

Related Articles

Portillo’s Rally Largest Political Event In City History

Rockford, IL –  The Transfat Rockford Group is holding a “Visioning Rally and Eat-in” today in Sinnissippi Park.  As of

Hold Your Glasses High, SCBF | Screw City Beer Fest 2014

I Can Still Feel My Face By Andy Whorehall  |  Sock Monkey Sound  |  Guest Contributor to RKFDnews.com (If you

Endangered Alligator Found Napping Near Whitman Street Bridge and Rock River

Rockford, IL –  Lawrence Bottums, 47 and homeless, was taking a nice nap in an abandoned boat near the Whitman

No comments

Write a comment
No Comments Yet! You can be first to comment this post!

Write a Comment

Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below:

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.