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“Gunshots or Fireworks?” – Poor & Violent Illinois City Plans For 4th of July Weekend Drinking Games
Rockford, IL – Celebrating freedom comes with a price for the citizens of The Rockford of Illinois.
The poor, little, violent village located 70 miles outside of Chicago on the edge of Wisconsin is gearing up for another weekend of holiday drinking games. Locals are stocking up with alcoholic beverages and preparing their 6th senses to play games like, “Were those gunshots or fireworks? Go!”
(It’s not that funny. It’s not what you make of it. It’s not how postive you think you need to be. It’s not what you put into it that you’ll get out of it. It’s not about mind over matter and pretending that the grass isn’t as green elsewhere and that this is all OK. It’s not OK. It’s The Rockford and it’s all about you and me leaving as soon as possoble so that those who are OK with it all can enjoy another weekend of holiday drinking games such as “Were those gun shots or fireworks?”.)
It’s not that funny anymore. We hope all of you take this weekend to plan your escape from Illinois for good. Do it as soon as possible before you’re desensitized to all of the bullshit civic pride, poverty, unemployment, hillbilly elitism, corruption, crime and economic ruin that has buried the people of Illinois in its own complacency and depression.
– Theodore Lepolli
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