RKFDnews.com Archive — Real, Original, Excellent Stories For Mediocre People
Back to homepage
Pole Dancing Not Just For Women
ROCKFORD-Three years ago, William Rezner, a father of seven from Janesville,WI., was looking for a way to get buff but still be able to get drunk and have fun. The 52-year-old alcoholic wanted to get back to being the active
Read More
Faith-Based Donut Shop “Glory Holes” Has Record Breaking Grand Opening
Rockford — 18th Avenue was ablaze this morning, as the crowd shuffled in for the opening of the latest faith-based coffee and donut shop. Glory Holes opened its doors to an enthusiastic audience that was strewn around the block. “We’ve
Read More
Local Radio Jocks Caught Shoplifting
LOVES PARK- Local Radio Dj’s Slim Boulder and his co host Tripple Tea were arrested Saturday after being caught shoplifting a six pack of beer a Halestorm cd three Nickleback cd’s two Godsmack cd’s a box of candy and 2 tins of chew
Read More
Local Factory Uses False Hope to Heat Building
ROCKFORD, IL – In an attempt to move its factory into the modern green era, a Rockford cannery successfully began harvesting the broken dreams and aspirations of its workers as an energy source to heat the building. “I played a little football
Read More
City Hires 150 Invisible Road Construction Workers
ROCKFORD , IL – In an attempt to combat the increasing number of road construction sites, the city of Rockford has appointed 150 invisible laborers to work around the clock. “They may not cast a shadow, but they sure as hell put in
Read More
Marengo Man Makes Love All Day & Night
Marengo, IL – Jerry Tontoes, an endowed 39-year old man from Marengo, IL, made love to his girlfriend of 3 years, Cathleen Johnson, for more than 18 hours this week. “It started off pretty slow. I’m not so sure my
Read More