RKFDnews.com Archive — Real, Original, Excellent Stories For Mediocre People
Back to homepage
Rockford Scanner Defeated by Totalitarianism, Fascism, Socialism, and a touch of Communism
Rockford, IL – We will miss you for every smile and laugh you gave our staff around the clock. Rest in peace or until you come back with major changes made to accomodate our city’s leaders, RockfordScanner. The very popular
Read More
Local Man Wakes Up Happy After Years of Bending Over For Rockford Area Morons
Rockford, IL – This is a story of hope, change and progress for all Rockfordians considering a major change and move. Lawrence Egon Spengler, 34, was named after his father’s favorite Ghostbuster, played by Harold Ramis in the popular 1980s
Read More
Hononegah Wins Game, Loses Land
Rockton, IL – The final whistle of Friday Night’s game sounded the end of a battle between the Harlem Huskies and the Hononegah Indians in a home victory for the Indians by a score of 28 to 18. But there
Read More
Public Petitions To Book Johnny Emerald The IIIrd at Rockford City Market Party
Rockford, IL – The community spoke up this past weekend on Twitter. They want homeless singing sensation, Johnny Emerald the IIIrd, to perform at Rockford’s City Market, a popular weekly drinking party that brings Rockford’s thirstiest people from all over
Read More
Johnny Emerald The IIIrd releases 6th Song, “Hey Jude (What happened?)”
Rockford, IL – Johnny Emerald The IIIrd had a busy day today. Rockford’s famous homeless singing star, released his 6th song online tonight off his forthcoming full-length debut, “Hey Jude (What happened?)“. Listen to it and his other songs below. He also gave his
Read More
Elderly Woman Stabbed on Far West Side
At least 14 pieces of toast were battered this morning and one elderly woman named Vince was stabbed on the Far West Side. No other information is available and we do not really care because today is our one year
Read More