RKFDnews.com Archive — Real, Original, Excellent Stories For Mediocre People
Back to homepage
Black Panther Writes Letters To Rockford and Beloit
June 13th, 2013 Dear Rockford, You are the biggest dick in the world. How could you treat a panther so cruelly? You have no idea what you did. You tore me apart piece by piece. I was trying
Read More
Pope Coming to Rockford
Rockford grant me the strength to handle life’ ups and downs, And to be horny all the time even when I am sick. Rockford grant me the courage to stand up for what I believe in, And to be horny all
Read More
Happy Fathers Day to Single Taxpayers Supporting Public School Children AND Single Dad Cries For Help
Rockford, IL – Local Taxpayers, about 3,000 out of the 150,000 Rockford area population, gathered today to celebrate Father’s Day. “I want to thank the breeding parents and single parents of Rockford for allowing me to help put their child through
Read More
Channel 32 Fires Photographers & Videographers, Pays Part-Time Volunteers With Baseball Hats
Rockford, IL – The head news guy at Channel 32, Hearty Martman, announced that the news station will be effectively firing all full time videographers and photographers this weekend and replacing them with part-time, iPhone equipped, people who like hats
Read More
Meet The Falsteems – Beautiful Family Enjoys Breakfast Downtown
Rockford, IL – Beatrice Falsteem and her husband Jerry woke up to surprise the kids. “I said to Jerry last night, if the weather is nice, let’s take the kids downtown to eat breakfast and maybe visit a bookstore afterwards.”
Read More
Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “That Smell” Named City Song
Rockford, IL – A new city anthem was designated for Rockford, Illinois, last night by a bunch of drunks who pick the same songs in every bar from every digital jukebox. Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “That Smell” beat out Damn Yankees’ “Higher”
Read More