RKFDnews.com Archive — Real, Original, Excellent Stories For Mediocre People
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Carp, Nature’s Protectors
Rockford, IL – You’ve seen it on Carpy the River Fish and other popular TV shows; carps rescuing humans from drowning and keeping them safe from harm. Does it really happen? The answer is YES, dummy, or I would not have
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Crime Prevention Carp Language Discovered
Rockford, IL – Imagine two carp swimming in the Mighty Rock River. You hear a series of clicks, whistles and whines coming from each; much like a conversation in Dolphin language. It seems one carp can call another carp specifically by
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Battle for Middle Earth Climaxes to a Pause
Rockford, IL – The battle for Middle Earth reached a climax in Rockford last night. Everyone moaned to a pause to check their smart phones for a few minutes. Minutes are now hours. Instagram feeds became overloaded touch-screens with photos
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Famous Bank Robber Stimulates Forest City With Endowment
ROCK-O-FORD, IL – The FCDBI (Forest City Dream Bureau Investigators) and local RKFDP (Rockford Dream Police) are searching for a man dubbed “Penis Gun Steve”. Steve is believed to have robbed two banks earlier this year and attempted to rob
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Lays Looks to Rockford For New Flavors
ROCKFORD, IL – Lays Taytoe Chips recently introduced three new regional chip flavors that are challenging their classic BBQ, Sour Cream & Onion, and Salt & Vinegar varieties for the world’s most delicious ethnic Taytoe Chip. The famous snack company searched
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Coffee With Senor Fuhrer – Adolph Hitler and Chief Tchad Beale Drink Coffee and Discuss Opportunities
“Rockford in 2013 is very similar to when I took over Germany in 1933 – I see opportunities!” – Señor Führer, aka Adolph Hitler, interviewed below by RKFDNews.com editor, Chief Tchad Beale. Coffee With Adolph Chief Tchad Beale = RKFD
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