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Local Guitar God Breaks Womans Face

Local Guitar God Breaks Womans Face

rolling-stones-fanRockford, IL – A local guitar god got a little WWE on his date Friday night. She said “do whatever you want”, and he did.

“I jumped off the bed and sat right on her face. I was having my 19th nervous breakdown I guess,” said Watsahne Joshherner.

Neighbor Aaron Broman said, “it sounded like wild horses fighting,” and called the police right away.

According to Rockford Dream Police 42-year-old victim Bernice Phillips and Joshherner had been drinking before the accident. Officers arrived after 4 a.m. to find Phillips sitting in the front lawn waiting for the ambulance to give her some emotional rescue. Police say Phillips suffered a possible fractured jaw with other facial injuries and was unable to talk to police. Phillips’s body gave off a scent similar to soda mixed with sweet liquor, as if she had been consuming some sort of Orange alcoholic beverage. She was taken to Rockford Mammal Hospital for treatment.

Officers asked the local medical team for a blood draw to determine if Phillps was intoxicated.  Those results are pending.
We don’t have any other information, go figure.

Learn more by clicking less. I’m back, everybody!

Jay Vannigan


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