Breaking News

Local Musician is Patient Zero of a New Less Appealing Form of Ebola

Derek Luttrell mid sneeze

Derek Luttrell mid sneeze

Coughing? Sneezing? You probably have Luttrell Ebola. Local scientists have traced the virus back to a singer/song-writer by the name of Derek Luttrell. LE (Luttrell Ebola) hasn’t yet claimed any lives, but it has cost out local economy hundreds of dollars.

We spoke with one of many patients suffering from LE. He wishes to keep his identity anonymous because he doesn’t want to risk his job at a local elementary school cafeteria. “I saw him sneezing right onto the microphone we were all sharing. I didn’t think much of it till my dude and I both got sick.” our source said. From there things got much worse. It is estimated that dozens of people have contracted LE and it continues to spread rapidly.

At this time, the CDC has asked musicians to stay away from all microphones in the area except Mary’s Place. Mary’s Place has a mysterious spray they apply to their microphones that our top scientist are currently trying to mass produce.

You read it here first… Stay safe and stay tuned.

Avoid Derek.

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