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Marengo Man Makes Love All Day & Night
Marengo, IL – Jerry Tontoes, an endowed 39-year old man from Marengo, IL, made love to his girlfriend of 3 years, Cathleen Johnson, for more than 18 hours this week. “It started off pretty slow. I’m not so sure my
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Cheddar Addiction Proves Delicious
Rockford, IL – Chad Muckgrunt, 27, a Wisconsin native, always considered himself a connoisseur of fine cheese in all it’s forms. He admired the texture of mozzarella, the complexity of havarti, and the punch of monterey jack; but, one day
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Affectionate Bear Attacks On The Rise
Rockford, IL – The Forest City’s Bear Police say a Rockford man was assaulted last night by a grizzly bear. The report states that a man was walking along the Rock River towards home from a local downtown pub when
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Golden Apple Winner Hates Apostrophes
Rockford, IL – Alex Pratt, a local math teacher, confessed to a group of his peers on a recent weekend bar hopping adventure that he “hates apostrophes,” and goes out of his way to avoid them in every day life.
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Gaming Machines Start Ruining Rockford Families Today
ROCKFORD, IL – Illinois’s huge video gaming expansion could start paying off right meow. The video game machines were put to good use this afternoon. At least 14 people were seen coming out of Harys Bar. Some were screaming at
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Elderly Man Loses Hat, Finds Salvation
Rockford, IL – Dudley Newhouse, 91, lost his hat over the weekend at a local Old County Buffet and spent all of Sunday morning looking for it. He returned to the restaurant for dinner tonight at 4:30 p.m. and was
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